Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, skin, The Liaison Collaborative

a glimpse into my BPD brain

Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes
So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.

9:24am
Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay
Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift
I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide
then after my shift, I passed the fuck out
and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt
Ghoulie: Jesus wammen
Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho
rofl
Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT
oh?
how’s that?
Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building
but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises
and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me
and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside
when it was over we went to target to buy candy
lmao
Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt
Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors
especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts
lmao
Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif)
Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car
Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay?
Sady: we’ll see
Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this”
Sady: RIGHT???
Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it
Sady: pretty much…lol

….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things

Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.

a glimpse into my BPD brain

hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5
eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: PUMEC – Lillian

[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC
Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC
MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED
hive // cold brew coffee to go .
Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC

pose: an lar [poses] The Sandra Series @ TLC

TROPIX // Time Music BackDrop 01 @ Access

Posted in breathe, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Kustom9, Legacy, Lelutka, The Liaison Collaborative

Anyone But Me

Seven years strong with my therapy
Making mosaics of my memories
Puzzled with doubt, I’m my closest enemy
It’s like this girl is squatting in my identity
She’s a raver, a likkle libertine (ayy)
And a bouncer to my dopamine
Tried so hard to become a referee
To even out the game that’s between my mind and meLove me or leave me and let me be lonely
Inside my head, there’s a voice that controls me
I’d rather be somewhere else with anyone but me
Ooh, love me or leave me and let me be lonely
Been down so long now that happy is holy
I’d rather be somewhere else with anyone but me
Anyone but me (mmm), anyone but me (uh)She’s dependent, she’s my man and wife
Peckham preacher, give ’em bad advice
She just does the spendin’ and then I pay the price
Tryna be Calise but she always trip me twice
But, I know I could do better (I could do better)
Baby, we’re no good together (together, together)
You are you, I am I
Now you gotta go bye
~ Joy Crookes – Anyone But Me

Anyone But Me

hair: Tableau Vivant \ Ondina @ Kustom9
head:  LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.0
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Demi Skin @ Uber

Kibitz – Teddy’s babygirl necklace @ Kustom9
Ricielli – Aella Jacket (Legacy) Black RARE @ Arcade
Ricielli – Aella Top (Legacy) Black RARE @ Arcade
Ricielli – Aella Shorts (Legacy) Black RARE @ Arcade
[BREATHE]-Tamio Wedges- @ Arcade

pose: Diversion – Apocalypse Set @ TLC

Dark Alley Backdrop – The Bearded Guy

Atelier Burgundy . Apoc Artist Corner @ TLC
Atelier Burgundy . Apoc Canvas @ TLC
Atelier Burgundy . Apoc Canvas Draft GIFT @ TLC

Posted in Animals, Catwa, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, GenusProject, Landscaping, Lelutka, Second Life, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL

Just LION around

From the moment I saw these lions from Rezz Room, I knew exactly what type of photo I wanted to do. Lucky for me, I have some very patient friends that were more than willing to pose all pretty. What I was going for was one of those situations where models are doing an editorial spread and shoot on location. While they pose and look all aloof or bored, when deep down they are screaming inside because they are so close to the lions. The best part of this is that when Precious was posing, she didn’t even notice the lions until I showed her my raw shot. *dies laughing* I think she was too busy trying to look down my shirt! Meanwhile, we just dumped poor Damien in the back and told him to keep his hands to himself. *laughs* That’s probably why he’s shooting us the bird! *giggles* And Puss…well, she’s just my original toon that does as I tell her.

safari

Let’s start with the real stars of the photo:

[Rezz Room] Lion Male Adult Animesh (Companion) @ ManCave
[Rezz Room] Lioness Animesh (Companion) @ Uber
[Rezz Room] Lion Cub Animesh (Companion) @ Uber

left to right super quick credits:

Damien:
Modulus – Hugo Hair
LeLUTKA.Head.Skyler

Legal Insanity – Ronan ripped shirt
Legal Insanity – James ripped denims
EQUAL – Lee Sneakers

pose: Ana Poses – Bologna Men

Sady:
DOUX – Maddie Hairstyle @ Level
LeLUTKA Fleur Head
+Apocalyptic+ Snake seduction tattoo @ Dubai

.miss chelsea. Asha Top @ Anthem
amias – DAVIN pants gray @ Anthem
Mosquito’s Way – Olivia @ TLC

pose: FOXCITY. Spot On Bento Pose Set

Precious:
tram J0513b hair
CATWA HEAD Catya

Kibitz – Corinne’s leashed collar
Pixicat– Maire Top

pose: FOXCITY. Legs for Days Bento Pose Set

Puss: 
DOUX – Cordelia Hairstyle
GENUS Project – Classic Face

EVANI – (13) Hanna top
EVANI – (14) Hanna shorts

pose: FOXCITY. Spot On Bento Pose Set

scene created using:
(Milk Motion) road to nowhere – Desert Land
(Milk Motion) dry bushes

Skye Windswept Tree

[we’re CLOSED] grass field dry 03 – random

Serenity Style– Military 4×4 Camo RARE

Junk Food – Cooler (Black)

Posted in accessories, Collabor88, Cosmetics, Cosmopolitan, DOUX, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Glam Affair, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, skin, tattoo, The Liaison Collaborative

my blood couldn’t keep you

I’m sorry but your story isn’t adding up
Think your religion is a lie to keep my mouth shut
So I won’t testify the crimes you’re keeping score of
Why don’t you throw me to the wolves I thought you were one

You were standing there like an angry god
Counting out my sins just to cross them off
Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust
And that my blood couldn’t keep you

My dear, you’re not so innocent
You’re fooling Heaven’s gates
So you won’t have to change
You’re no saint, you’re no savior

Your revelations don’t look nothing like the pictures
You read between the lines and don’t stick to the scriptures
You only follow rules if others follow with you
That doesn’t sound so holy only playing victim
~ Echos – Saints

doux ga idtty rd

hair: DOUX – Alaska hairstyle @ LeVeL
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes:  .euphoric ~Kitty Eyes Applier ~[LeLutka] @ Cosmopolitan
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Mara Skin [ Lelutka ] @ C88

lashes: MICHAN – Lilith Lashes Fatpack [Lel EVO] @ TLC
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA SWEET TEMPTATION COLLECTION #2 @ Kinky
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA SWEET TEMPTATION COLLECTION #7 @ Kinky

Apocalyptic – Awakening the eye black @ Belle
(Yummy) Cleopatra Nose Ring – Silver
[ rD ] – Antares Necklace @ FaMESHed

Posted in Cosmopolitan, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, The Liaison Collaborative

I’d like to tell you

I’d like to tell you that my sky’s not blue, it’s violent rain
And in my world, the people on the street don’t know my name
In my world, I’m seven feet tall
And the boys always call, and the girls do too
Because in my world, I’m constantly, constantly havin’ a breakthrough (Hmm)
Or a breakdown, or a blackout
Would you make out with me underneath the shelter of the balcony?

‘Cause I don’t need anyone
I don’t need anyone
I just need everyone and then some
~ Halsey – Clementine

doux bs lp zk

hair: DOUX – Alana hairstyle @ Dubai
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes:  [Heaux] Piper Eyes @ Anthem
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair]  LIllian Skin [ Lelutka ] @ Uber

-:zk:- Little Liars Sunglasses @ TLC
Rebel Gal – Charm Necklace
Blossom&Seeds Charlie @ Cosmopolitan

pose: Le Poppycock *Watercolours* @ TLC
**includes boom box & cigarette**

 

Posted in Blueberry, Cosmopolitan, DOUX, Events, Glam Affair, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL

gone in an instant

I have found that whenever you look outside yourself for something or someone to make you happy, you are simply looking in the wrong place. Happiness definitely comes from within and you have to truly want it in order to achieve it. To truly want something, you have to be willing to work for it. Too many people with mental illnesses refuse to accept that and it breaks my heart. I’ve been there and I know its not an easy path. By no means am I cured. I still suffer from mental illness, but I am getting help and it is working. It works, because I’m following suggestions and taking advice that I don’t always like. I know its working, because I feel better more often than I don’t. I no longer sit and wallow in self pity or self loathing. I no longer envy what other people have, because I have beyond what I absolutely need in this life. I’m not looking at what I don’t have. Instead, I’m counting my blessings for everything I do have and I’m appreciating it all a bit more. I know it could all be gone in an instant. I don’t want to wait until its gone to enjoy it or appreciate the blessing bestowed upon me.

doux idtty bb sc

hair: DOUX – Carla hairstyle
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes:  [Heaux] Piper Eyes @ Anthem
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair]  LIllian Skin [ Lelutka ] @ Uber

lashes: MICHAN – Lilith Lashes Fatpack [Lel EVO] @ TLC
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA PLAY COOL COLLECTION #3 @ Cosmopolitan (closes July 12)
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA PLAY COOL COLLECTION #9  @ Cosmopolitan (closes July 12)

Rebel Gal – Charm Necklace
Blueberry – Authentic – Crop Top

pose: – space cadet  – pack 9 @ Harajuku (closes July 10)

Posted in Animals, breathe, Cynful, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Legacy, Lelutka, Reign, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shoes, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL, vinyl

my lil butt is staying put

I have to believe this has been the craziest year of most people’s lives. I can only imagine what else 2020 will bring for the second half of the year. I’m pretty sure whatever it is will leave us scratching our heads in wonder. One thing is for sure, more than ever before I do not want to leave my house. I know a lot of people are feeling cooped up and are itching to get out the door and do anything…just to get out of the house. For me, it hasn’t been that big of a deal. I didn’t want to leave the house before the virus. Now? Nah, my ass is staying right here. I’m not even trying to get out there to do anything. I am perfectly content staying in my comfortable little condo with my pets and my mother. We have everything we need and when we do need something, there are people out there to deliver it. This works for me. Yep, my lil butt is staying put.

stealthic cynful vinyl lyrium reign rezz

hair: Stealthic – Endless @ Anthem
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes:  [Heaux] Piper Eyes @ Anthem
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair]  LIllian Skin [ Lelutka ] @ Uber

lashes: MICHAN – Lilith Lashes Fatpack [Lel EVO] @ TLC
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA HALF TIME COLLECTION # 5 @ ShinyShabby
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA HALF TIME COLLECTION #10 @ ShinyShabby
nails: -SU!- Almond Nails

Cynful Zipper Top @ LeVeL
VINYL – Chickory Pants @ FaMESHed
[BREATHE]-Mimoko Heels @ Kinky

pose: Lyrium. Bree Series @ Dubai

scene:
MINIMAL – London Rooftop Scene @ Uber

[Rezz Room] Pug Adult Animesh

REIGN.- FRESH SQUEEZED LEMONADE

PILOT – Burger Meal

Posted in Blueberry, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping, Uber SL

That’s that.

I woke up this morning with a tremendous headache and it has been one helluva week. Today, I’m taking some much needed time for myself. I want to enjoy my newly landscaped sim. I want to dedicate some time to adding some finishing touches and decorating my house. I’m sure I’ll take a blog picture, but my blog is more for me than anyone else anyway…sorry, not sorry. I love that people read it and enjoy it…all five of you..lol, but at the end of the day, I have always blogged because its something I’ve wanted to do. However, there are days that I honestly don’t even want to bother with it. I guess that’s natural after four years of blogging almost daily.
In real life, I’m smoking a cigarette with my coffee, but I sure wish it was a blunt. This headache is not fun and while I know that looking at a screen is not conducive for a headache, neither is that bright ass sun blaring through my window. *hisses* Alas, this is going to be a good day. I’ve decided and that’s that.

doux heaux idtty bb sc

hair: DOUX – Alaska hairstyle @ LeVeL
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes:  [Heaux] Piper Eyes @ Anthem
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair]  LIllian Skin [ Lelutka ] @ Uber

lashes: MICHAN – Lilith Lashes Fatpack [Lel EVO] @ TLC
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA HALF TIME COLLECTION # 5 @ ShinyShabby
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA HALF TIME COLLECTION #10 @ ShinyShabby
nails: -SU!- Almond Nails

Rebel Gal – Charm Necklace
(Yummy) Adel Ring Set
Blueberry – SL17B – Lace Trim Top
Blueberry – FLF – Valentines – Panties

pose: – space cadet – weed&coffee ladies
the pose comes with a blunt/joint & a cup, but I used my own mug which was a gift from my dear friend, Harlow Heslop
e.marie // True Love Mug – Cats

 

Posted in breathe, Chic Moda, Collabor88, DOUX, Events, FaMESHed, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shoes, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL

How I Go Through Life

It’s no secret that I love Doux hair. I’m pretty sure I blog every hair I have of theirs (99% of the store) at least twice and no, I’m not one of their official bloggers. I dream of being one someday, but in the meantime, I shall blog them on my own dime. I love it THAT much. Over time, they have created multiple hairs that I felt fit me well, but none have grabbed me quite the way this one does. I mean, I’m a hair whore, so I’m sure I’ll be wearing the latest and greatest from other favorite hair designers, as well. However, this Carla hair is just sooooooo me, that I’m sure to be showing it off in all the style options, not to mention a variety of colors! I rarely write about the items themselves, but this is my blog and I shall write about whatever I want, whenever I want…*laughs*…I mean, that’s pretty much how I go through life, isn’t it?

doux chicmoda breathe ana poses

hair: DOUX – Carla hairstyle @ Equal10
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [theSkinnery] Maya (LeLutkaEVO) @ Uber

CHAIN – Baddie Necklace Set @ TLC
ChicModa // June Romper @ Fameshed
[BREATHE]-Kimiso Heels @ Collabor88

pose: Ana Poses – Tabriz 1 @ Arcade

Serenity Style– El Saler Beach Rocks Set @ TLC

 

Posted in Catwa, Events, Fashion, Maitreya, Second Life, shopping, Uber SL

When people look

“When people look at my pictures I want them to feel the way they do when they want to read a line of a poem twice.”
― Robert Frank

snapshot_051

Basics:
head: CATWA HEAD Catya
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee Applier

Wasabi // Juniper Mesh Hair @ Uber
Kibitz – Mosita’s earrings
(Yummy) Precarious Love Necklace @ Uber
(Yummy) Grace Ring Set @ Uber
Ascendant – Get Lucky Nails

Addams // Justice Crop Top @ Uber
Addams // Grecia Suit Pants

pose: [ Focus Poses ] Every Moment Matters
TLC Sealion Colony