Posted in Second Life

Feels like too much

The last few days have been a complete whirlwind of nightmares for myself and a couple of my closest friends. We’ve all had absolutely maddening situations happening to us in RL. We’ve all be worried sick about each other while dealing with our individual crisises. Sometimes it just all feels like too much. So, I’m keeping this short and sweet, wishing I could slip into that beautiful Nutmeg tub and soak away my problems.

Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Complete Set @ Shiny Shabby
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Liquid Soap
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Chair w/Pillow White Adult
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Drying Rack / 1
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Mirror Blue / 1
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Clock White
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Liquid Soap Olive
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Washbasin w/Towel Texture Option
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Bar of Soap / 2
Nutmeg. Tidy Pastels Woven Bag Complete Set Bonus Item

Nutmeg. Attic Hideout Painting_Bonus Item
Nutmeg. Attic Hideout Plated Pink Branch
Nutmeg. Dacha Hanging Candle Bucket
Nutmeg. Dacha Old Wooden Chest
Nutmeg. Dacha Metal Bathtub wo/Shower
Nutmeg. Bucolic Console Table
Nutmeg. Old Oriental Rug4_Bonus Item
Nutmeg. Countryside Dream Chandelier White / Long
Nutmeg. Flower Cherub Statue Bonus Item

Serenity Style– El patio Building Scene @ Uber

Serenity Style– Rothschild Bathroom Mirror

(Fundati) Ivy Leaves

[Rezz Room] Shiba Inu Puppy Animesh @ Uber

Posted in Second Life

I need healing

Wish I could’ve found the words to say
Wish I could’ve given what you gave
‘Cause we could’ve loved, we could’ve been something
But not if I’m brokenAnd I know that you love me but I don’t think I’m ready
Found me in a bottle
Oh, I thought I needed someone I could run to
Oh, run to, oh
But I need healing
I need healing
~ Arlissa – Healing

heaux-idtty-diversion-lode-cosmic-dust

hair: tram J0513b hair @ Uber
head: LeLUTKA Erin Head
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [theSkinnery] Signe (LeLutkaEVO)

lashes: [POUT!] Kelly – Eye lash collection @ Belle
eyes: [Heaux] Brighton Eyes @ N21

eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA ANGEL DUST #5
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA ANGEL DUST #8

LODE Head Accessory – Pansy [blue] @ ShinyShabby
[Cosmic Dust]  – Dakota Dress @ Kustom9

pose: Diversion  – Blossom – Poses @ Belle

Posted in Second Life

What kind of hell…

I’m in an ungodly amount of pain that is shooting through my hip, down my right leg and up my back. I have no idea what it is, but I suspect I need a hip replacement or I have a broken pelvis. Surprisingly, this is one of those things that I’d walk around with not knowing how bad it is until a doctor tells me. That’s how it was with my knees. I knew they hurt like hell, but I had no idea how bad they were until a doctor told me. He was actually surprised that I was still walking. However, the pain I’m experiencing now usually happens while I’m sleeping and it wakes me up in an awful state. I involuntarily scream out in pain, which stirs the animals, and has twice woken up my mother. On top of that, I seem to be stuck in this bizarre nightmare repeat. It’s like having a movie on repeat. I keep trying to change the outcome, but I only alter the path to the ending which segues perfectly back to the beginning. To make matters worse, the dream has Jason Momoa in it, but he’s absolutely terrifying! What kind of hell am I in?

wearing:
hair: Tableau Vivant // Cotton Candy @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Erin Head
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Beatriz Skin [Lelutka] @ C88

lashes: [POUT!] Kelly – Eye lash collection @ Belle
eyes: [Heaux] Poppy Eyes – Essentials #5
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Charm Ears

eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA PARTY MONSTA COLLECTION #3 @ ShinyShabby
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA PARTY MONSTA COLLECTION #8 @ ShinyShabby

LODE Head Accessory – Pansy [white] @ ShinyShabby
RUST REPUBLIC[Meilleure] @ Belle
REIGN.- BETTY SOCKS

pose: Diversion – Dangling – Poses

MINIMAL – Forever Backdrop -Dark Feeling @ @ Equal10

{vespertine} little prince carousel – moonwalk

CELESTE – Animated Glitter

Posted in Catwa, Events, Exploration, Fashion, Gos, Maitreya, Second Life, shoes, shopping, Uber SL

Oh Hi!

Oh hi there, you caught me roaming through an abandoned house on Borneo Isle. I was especially fascinated with this old piano. I always wanted to learn to play, but it wasn’t in the cards. Not sure who brought in the fresh sunflowers, but they certainly brighten up this dusty old space. I’ve never been big on sunflowers, but my mother like them. Everytime, and I do mean EVERYTIME, she sees them she tells me how my grandmother had them growing along the back of their yard like a fence, when she was growing up. Anyway, this little house that I stumbled across has plenty of photographic spots inside, not to mention the plethora of choices on the rest of the land. Go check it out, the link is in the credits below. ♥

sunflower

wearing:
hair: Navy+Copper – Tia (*new* @ Shiny Shabby)
head: CATWA HEAD Denice
#Besom Lashes~ Sweetheart Lash
SU!– Osanna Eyes
#ADORED – prizmo shadows – permafrost edition (*new* @ Sultry)
#ADORED – jucci gloss lips – candy princess edition (*new* @ Sultry)
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: #PUMEC – Sophia
tattoo: .::Nanika::. Summer wind tattoo White Arm

(Yummy) Raining Diamonds
Dead Dollz – Lille Outfit (*new* @ Uber)
[Gos] Louise Trail Boots (*new* @ Uber)

pose: .Focus Poses. Urban 5
location: Borneo Isle

Posted in Apple Fall, Bueno, Catwa, Eudora3D, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Home Decor, Maitreya, Second Life, SHADES, shoes, shopping, Uber SL

Vanilla

When I first came into Second Life, back in 2006, I was officially introduced to the Master tag and the entire D/s world. Prior to that, I knew there were fetishes and that people were into bdsm. However, I thought those were just kinks and fetishes. I had no idea they were lifestyles. Over time, I learned the differences between all types of subs and Dom/mes. For the longest time, you really couldn’t go anywhere without seeing some dude wearing a Master tag and a black cape. Now the trend seems to be more focused on Daddy Doms and BabyGirls, or perhaps that’s just where my path has led. However, based on some of the things I see on Facebook, I’m prone to think that those that are not into the bdsm lifestyle are somehow seen as boring. In fact, the term used for those that are not into bdsm is Vanilla. As if to say that Vanilla is a boring flavor.
The truth is, that vanilla is a build block flavor that is in more recipes than most people would realize. The same can be said about sex. I think its funny that so many people in the bdsm community fuss at one another for kinky shaming, as there are some rather extreme kinks out there. Yet, no one really stands up and says, “Ya know what? It’s okay to be Vanilla! It’s ok not to like dirty talk or toys or whips & chains.” There is nothing wrong with Vanilla.
In fact, I’ll take a Vanilla latte over one of those silly pumpkin spice lattes any day! Plus, you can take vanilla ice cream and add stuff to that to make it spectacular. Okay, I’m getting off track and now I want ice cream. Go shopping! I’m going to the kitchen!

Vanilla

wearing:
hair:   MINA – Frankie  (*new* @ Hair Fair)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Dee

BONDI . The Elite Sunglasses (*new* @ Dubai)
BUENO-Sweater Dress (*new* @ Uber)
Eudora3D Haloke Boots&Socks (*new* @ Shiny Shabby)

pose: FOXCITY. Show Time Bento Pose Set

scene:
SHADES – Tufted Love Seat (*new* @ Blueprint)
SHADES – Tufted Chair

Kalopsia – Drawer Shelf – Brown
[DDD] Twinkling Ivy – Patch
RARE. DYNASTY – Calligraphy Corner – Backdrop
tb– Bon Voyage – Books
hive // macrame hanging plant . stone
Second Spaces – snow day books – messy stack

Apple Fall Wooden Trunk (Decor)
Apple Fall Althea Rug – Antique Light
Apple Fall Huge Fan Palm
Apple Fall Designer Hat Box
Apple Fall Silver Antiqued Rabbit
Apple Fall Bronze Leaf Apple Branches
Apple Fall Books – Arrangement 1
Apple Fall Tea Tins & Tea Books
Apple Fall Cotton Cluster
Apple Fall Handbag & Scarf
Apple Fall Books – Arrangement 4
Apple Fall Coffee & Muffin
Apple Fall Liberty Sketchbook
Apple Fall ‘iFall’ Notebook 2015
Apple Fall Roses Box (Champagne)
Apple Fall Pinecones & Hazelnuts (*new* for Go by FaMESHed)
Apple Fall Apples w/ Ornamental Stand – Copper (*new* for Go by FaMESHed)
Apple Fall Woodland Deer – Brass (*new* for Go by FaMESHed)
AF Ceramic Chubby Squirrel
Apple Fall Books – Arrangement 3
Apple Fall Grass Pot
Apple Fall Banana Tree

Posted in Blueberry, Catwa, Events, Exploration, Fashion, GingerFish, Gingerfish Poses, Kustom9, Legal Insanity, Maitreya, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shoes, shopping, Tres Chic

Achill Island

So, one of my best friends is Grace Sixpence and she has recently acquired a homestead. She had the sim professionally landscaped to represent an actual island in Ireland and it is gorgeous. I could not resist going straight over and taking a photo for my blog. I will definitely return for more photos and I encourage you to do the same. She has opened it to the public and you can join her group at the landing point. You can also post your photos to her flickr group. So, after your next shopping trip, head on over to Achill Island for a great photo with a fantastic background, no matter where you pose.

Achill

wearing:
hair: [RA] Brookie Hair (*new* @ ShinyShabby)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Loly (*new* @ K9)
tattoo: [White~Widow] Soorma

Blueberry – Berries After Dark – Top *new*
Blueberry – Berries After Dark – Boots *new*www
Legal Insanity – Ava denim skirt  (*new* @ TresChic)

pose: GingerFish Poses – Chill set (*new* @ OUTPUT)
location: Achill Island

Posted in Aphorism, Bad Unicorn, Catwa, crate, Eudora3D, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Home Decor, Lamb, Landscaping, Pose Fair, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shoes, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL, unKindness

Grow or Wilt

People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die. ~Plato

I love this quote, because there’s so much truth to it. What we tend to forget is that we have a lot more control over our personal growth than we give ourselves credit for. We latch onto people, convincing ourselves that we are being loyal. We let people make us sick, we let them wilt us and drain us of our very life force, by trying to please them, avoid confrontations. We don’t want to hurt them. When so often, there’s nothing we’ve done to the other person to justify their actions or attitude. More often than not, it really has nothing at all to do with us. However, we continue to stand by them…allowing them to cast their issues upon us as if we were to blame. And so, the cycle begins. We bow down, we apologize, we plead with them. Then when we’re alone and thinking it over, we’re left confused. What did we actually do wrong? Probably nothing, really.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that when two friends have a disagreement that we should never accept responsibility. I’m talking about toxic people that blame everyone else for their problems. The ones that like to test their friends and point fingers based on paranoia and insecurities. You know, the ones that you really don’t want to spend a lot of time with, because you don’t know what to expect? *shrugs* I’m mostly just thinking in text…stream of consciousness. Rambling, because I hate cutting people from my life. Especially people I love so dearly, but we can only allow so much pain from a “friend” before we have to cut them loose. I have to decide whether I want to grow or wilt.

Where Things Grow

wearing:
hair:   Lamb. Honey (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Willow – Jamaica (*new* @ Uber)

!APHORISM! Joonie Top (*new* @ FaMESHed)
!APHORISM! Joonie Maxi Skirt (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Eudora3D LastSummer Clogs (*new* @ Shiny Shabby)

pose: Fashiowl Poses – Here comes the sun (*new* @ Pose Fair)

scene:
[Bad Unicorn] Allora House (*new* @ Uber)
crate Hardwood Smoker Black
07. LAGOM – Hawaiian Party [Pineapple string] (*new* @ TLC)
19. LAGOM – Hawaiian Party [Balloons Yellow] RARE (*new* @ TLC)
Trompe Loeil – Corazon Palm Chair Natural PG
InVerse – MRockPath
uK – Malibu Entry Console Table Wood (*new* @ FaMESHed)
uK – Malibu Entry Succulent Platter (*new* @ FaMESHed)
uK – Malibu Entry Basket Stack (*new* @ FaMESHed)
uK – Malibu Entry Waves Rug (*new* @ FaMESHed)
crate Krusty Kitchen Shelf Full Set
Granola. Carmella Bird Of Paradise.  (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Granola. June’s Pool Lounger.

Posted in Catwa, Events, Fashion, Kaithleen's, Maitreya, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping, Uber SL

Only Human

The song says it all.

Rag’n’Bone Man ~ Human

I’m only human
I’m only, I’m only
I’m only human, human
Maybe I’m foolish
Maybe I’m blind
Thinking I can see through this
And see what’s behind
Got no way to prove it
So maybe I’m blind
But I’m only human after all
I’m only human after all
Don’t put your blame on me
Don’t put your blame on me
Take a look in the mirror
And what do you see
Do you see it clearer
Or are you deceived
In what you believe
‘Cause I’m only human after all
You’re only human after all
Don’t put the blame on me
Don’t put your blame on me
Some people got the real problems
Some people out of luck
Some people think I can solve them
Lord heavens above
I’m only human after all
I’m only human after all
Don’t put the blame on me
Don’t put the blame on me
Don’t ask my opinion
Don’t ask me to lie
Then beg for forgiveness
For making you cry
Making you cry
‘Cause I’m only human after all
I’m only human after all
Don’t put your blame on me
Don’t put the blame on me
Oh, some people got the real problems
Some people out of luck
Some people think I can solve them
Lord heavens above
I’m only human after all
I’m only human after all
Don’t put the blame on me
Don’t put the blame on me
I’m only human
I make mistakes
I’m only human
That’s all it takes
To put the blame on me
Don’t put the blame on me
I’m no prophet or Messiah
Should go looking somewhere higher
I’m only human after all
I’m only human after all
Don’t put the blame on me
Don’t put the blame on me
I’m only human
I do what I can
I’m just a man
I do what I can
Don’t put the blame on me
Don’t put your blame on me

I'm Only Human

wearing:
hair:   Lamb. Dream (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Willow – Jamaica (*new* @ Uber)
Kaithleen’s Summer Breeze Dress (*new* @ Shiny Shabby)

pose by Del May
SEUL – Elevator Highrise

Posted in Avenge, Catwa, Events, Fashion, Jian, Kaithleen's, Mina Hair, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping, Uber SL

Not This Time

Each time  some one hurts me, each time my heart is broken, and left scarred…it gets harder and harder to even believe in true love, at least not for me. My close friends know what a hard time I’m having in the real these days. Yes, SL is my escape. Yes, my real life is pretty sad and a whole lot of scary right now. My husband and I have been separated but sharing a home for over two years. He had his room, I had mine. There were times that I was hopeful that we might could work it out. He has recently moved out and moved in with the woman with whom his affair was the end of our marriage.
There are times when I am grateful for what I have and do my best to stay positive. There are times that I take great comfort in violent fantasies. Most of all I wake up each day disappointed that it not just a bad dream. This nightmare is my reality.
I’m dealing with a grocery list of health issues that will never get better. I live in constant physical pain. I’m not writing this to complain or whine. I’m writing this to explain why I’ve decided to live the remainder of my days as a free spirit. I refuse to be tied down to things I no longer believe in.
I never wanted to get married, because I’ve never seen a successful marriage. I suck at relationships, ask any of my exes, they’ll agree. I can and do love, very deeply. Its being loved that I struggle with and it never fails that the minute I start to believe that I might just be worthy of that same love in return that I am proven wrong, each and every time. I’ve been drawn to relationships all my life. I hate feeling lonely, but the truth is…I’m not alone. I have some wonderful friends. That’s all I need. I will not seek out another romantic relationship, not this time.
Yes, I am broken, but I am broken beyond mending. I’ve accepted that and the people that I’m closest to are aware of it, too. I’ve accepted my plight and learning to let go of a dream is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m awake now. I won’t repeat my mistakes again and again…not this time…well, not for a very long time, at least. *sighs* I really mean this stuff when I say it, you know?
Deva, stop laughing. Dusty, stop rolling your eyes…I swear they’re going to roll right out of your head one day. Sora, distract him, will ya? Tracy, Grace, Kess….you cunts, just shut the hell up. *sighs* I hear you giggling, Luca. Ame, whoop her, will ya? Nikole, get the duct tape, you get it, right?

4in1
We started out as lonely hearts
We started with a promise built on highs
You said I was the missing part
Looked into my eyes said
“You’re my fix for life”

wearing:
hair: MINA – Noah  (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Viktoria Applier
[Avenge] Rosary necklace double (F) – pearls (*new* @ MOM)
JIAN Chinchilla :: Hand Held
Kaithleen’s Irina Top (*new* @ ShinyShabby)

pose: an lar [poses] The Cordelia Series
taikou / summer night backdrop (*new* @ Uber)

 

 

Posted in Bueno, Catwa, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Foxcity, Maitreya, RunAway Hair, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping, Uber SL

Numb

This morning I don’t have words of my own, so I’ll let Meg Myers say/sing it for me.

Meg Myers-Numb

When all is said and done
Tell me how to write this
Tell me how to fight this war
I’ll keep marchin’ on
Like a broken robot
Money back guarantee
I’m in your custody
But I’m not a criminal, I can be your next big thing
Look at what I’ve become
Silly little monster
Should’ve just held my tongue

I hate the feeling of this weight upon my shoulders
Pushing the pressure down on me
You think you want the best for me but nothing really matters
If you force it won’t come, I guess I’m feeling numb
I guess I’m feeling numb

Sometimes I wish I could fly
Through a secret trap door into another life
Bury my head in the sand
I don’t want to grow up
La la la la la la

I hate the feeling of this weight upon my shoulders
Pushing the pressure down on me
You think you want the best for me but nothing really matters
If you force it won’t come, I guess I’m feeling numb
I guess I’m feeling numb

I’ll play the game
I’ll do everything you tell me
All the losers win in the end
I’ll play the game
I’ll do anything you tell me
All the losers win in the end

I hate the feeling of this weight upon my shoulders
Pushing the pressure down on me
You think you want the best for me but nothing really matters
If you force it won’t come, I guess I’m feeling numb
I guess I’m feeling numb
I guess I’m feeling numb
I guess I’m feeling numb

shadows

wearing:
hair: [RA] Samatha Hair (*new* @ FaMESHed)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair – Mindy

BUENO -Cheeky Half Shirt (*new*)
neve short – shameless plaid (*new* @ Uber)

pose: FOXCITY. Fixated Bento Pose Set
MINIMAL – Night Street Background (*new* @ Shiny Shabby)