Well, I don’t feel better when I’m fucking around And I don’t write better when I’m stuck in the ground So don’t teach me a lesson ’cause I’ve already learned Yeah, the sun will be shining and my children will burn Oh, the heart beats in its cage I don’t want what you want, I don’t feel what you feel See, I’m stuck in a city but I belong in a field Yeah, we got left, left, left, left, left, left, left Now it’s three in the morning and you’re eating alone
Oh, the heart beats in its cage
All our friends, they’re laughing at us All of those you loved, you mistrust Help me, I’m just not quite myself Look around, there’s no one else left
foundation hair: DOUX – Nashaly hairstyle @ Dubai head: LeLUTKA Avalon head skin: [Glam Affair] Cherry [Lelutka EvoX] @ UBER body: [LEGACY] Meshbody Perky body skin: VELOUR: The “Ipanema Body” for Legacy (Chantilly)
fashion -SU!- Poison Sunglasses [ rD ] Metarose Necklace @ TLC Violent Seduction – The Moth for FLF Aug 27, 2021 [BREATHE]-Satsuko Heels @ Kinky
Friends come and go, friends come and go Go like the seasons I never know, I never know what to believe in And it’s getting old, it’s getting old But no hard feelings ‘Cause friends come and go, friends come and go without a reason And I, I’ve been in L.A. for way too long Can’t get this air inside my lungs It feels like I’m suffocatin’ from all the lack of the realness here Is there anybody real out here? Got my middle, middle up while I’m singing Fuck fake friends, we don’t need ’em Only thing they’re good for is leaving Fuck fake friends, we don’t need ’em I’ve had it up to the ceiling Fuck fake friends, we don’t need ’em Only thing they’re good for is leaving And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind (yeah) I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends
hair: DOUX – Lia hairstyle @ TresChic head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 eyes: A R T E – Sweet Brown Eyes @ TLC body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Rika Skin [Lelutka EvoX] eyebrows: Glam Affair – Vip HD BROWS – Lelutka @ TLC Glam Affair – EVOX Smoky Makeup 01 B for FLF April 16, 2021
[ rD ] – Hydra Set @ TLC (choker & earrings) ^^Swallow^^ Earrings H01/E01 for lel Evo X Ears @ Kustom9 (Yummy) Spring Butterfly Ring Collection @ C88 Cynful Savi Leather Top + Savi Leather Shorts @ Equal10 [BREATHE]-Konoka Heels @ Epiphany
Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.
9:24am Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide then after my shift, I passed the fuck out and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt Ghoulie: Jesus wammen Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho rofl Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT oh? how’s that? Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside when it was over we went to target to buy candy lmao Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts lmao Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif) Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay? Sady: we’ll see Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this” Sady: RIGHT??? Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it Sady: pretty much…lol
….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things
Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.
hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88 head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED hive // cold brew coffee to go . Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC
Lovers with no single care at all Busy catching shadows off the wall Higher than the grass with ten feet When I’m with you, when I’m with you Laughing in the clouds, a perfect view Purple in your eyes like sweet taboo Linger in the air like ooh ooh When I’m with you, when I’m with you Let’s waste away together Let’s waste away forever Let’s waste away together Just you and me
hair: DOUX – Cara hairstyle @ LeveL head: LeLUTKA Lilly Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: #3 — PUMEC – NADYA – JANUARY — LELUTKA x BOM @ Epiphany
Well, so long, Genus. I’m not turning my back on you because of the dmca or any of that. I have a new head now and I will be featuring it soon. For now, I dedicate this post to the look I grew to love very much while wearing this head. I absolutely adore the look of the Genus heads, but the huds frustrate me to no end and I never can get the neck quite right with the legacy body. So, one final close up as I close the chapter on this look. I will always love the looks I achieved with Genus, but its time to embrace the new.
hair: DOUX – Dua hairstyle
head: GENUS Project – Genus Head – Classic Face W001 – Mocap
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Josie Applier [ Genus ] @ Access
I’m sorry but your story isn’t adding up
Think your religion is a lie to keep my mouth shut
So I won’t testify the crimes you’re keeping score of
Why don’t you throw me to the wolves I thought you were one
You were standing there like an angry god
Counting out my sins just to cross them off
Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust
And that my blood couldn’t keep you
My dear, you’re not so innocent
You’re fooling Heaven’s gates
So you won’t have to change
You’re no saint, you’re no savior
Your revelations don’t look nothing like the pictures
You read between the lines and don’t stick to the scriptures
You only follow rules if others follow with you
That doesn’t sound so holy only playing victim
~ Echos – Saints
I messed up. I messed up so big. I just had to say that my good mood was untouchable. I just had to put that out there and the universe said, “Challenge accepted.” Then the universe proceeded to take me on one helluva roller coaster ride. But instead of dipping down and back up to level out at the end….this ride went off the freaking tracks. I’m done. I’m not going to write about my life anymore. I’m not going to write anything. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay and life is all rosey. I tried, because I knew people were tired of reading my whoa is me b.s. So, after today, there won’t be anything to read. Just pictures and credits. It may or may not cost me some blogging assignments & followers. I guess time will tell, but I have nothing left.
Every year there’s a Second Life challenge to do a yearbook photo and I’ve never participated. High school was not the best of times for me. I could have a do over, I know I would’ve done things very differently. I suppose that’s true for most of us. Anyway, whenever people do the yearbook photo challenge I can’t help but giggle, because I hated our senior yearbook photos. The first ice school I went to, gave an option to do the standard senior photo with the velvet crap draped off shoulder for girls/tuxedo for boys OR you could pay for the deluxe package to have outdoor shots that reflected your personal style. However, life happened and we moved. So, the high school I ended up graduating from didn’t offer that. They only did the standard velvet crap. That pretty much summed up my high school years. Today when I shot this picture, I giggled at how long it took me to finally take the kind of picture I always wanted for my real life senior yearbook photo. Better late than never, I suppose…even if its virtual.