Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, skin, The Liaison Collaborative

a glimpse into my BPD brain

Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes
So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.

9:24am
Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay
Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift
I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide
then after my shift, I passed the fuck out
and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt
Ghoulie: Jesus wammen
Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho
rofl
Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT
oh?
how’s that?
Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building
but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises
and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me
and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside
when it was over we went to target to buy candy
lmao
Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt
Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors
especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts
lmao
Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif)
Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car
Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay?
Sady: we’ll see
Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this”
Sady: RIGHT???
Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it
Sady: pretty much…lol

….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things

Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.

a glimpse into my BPD brain

hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5
eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: PUMEC – Lillian

[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC
Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC
MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED
hive // cold brew coffee to go .
Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC

pose: an lar [poses] The Sandra Series @ TLC

TROPIX // Time Music BackDrop 01 @ Access

Posted in Bueno, DOUX, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life

Let’s waste away together

Lovers with no single care at all
Busy catching shadows off the wall
Higher than the grass with ten feet
When I’m with you, when I’m with you
Laughing in the clouds, a perfect view
Purple in your eyes like sweet taboo
Linger in the air like ooh ooh
When I’m with you, when I’m with you
Let’s waste away together
Let’s waste away forever
Let’s waste away together
Just you and me

Let's waste away together

hair: DOUX – Cara hairstyle @ LeveL
head: LeLUTKA Lilly Head 2.5
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: #3 — PUMEC – NADYA – JANUARY — LELUTKA x BOM @ Epiphany

[ rD ] – Hallstatt Choker @ FaMESHed
Lunar – Lamu Jacket
BUENO-Valerie Bodysuit @ Anthem
BUENO-Valerie Skirt @ Anthem

.PALETO.Backdrop:.DON’T PANIC

Posted in accessories, Cosmetics, DOUX, Events, Fashion, GenusProject, Glam Affair, Legacy, poses, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping

Closing this chapter

Well, so long, Genus. I’m not turning my back on you because of the dmca or any of that. I have a new head now and I will be featuring it soon. For now, I dedicate this post to the look I grew to love very much while wearing this head. I absolutely adore the look of the Genus heads, but the huds frustrate me to no end and I never can get the neck quite right with the legacy body. So, one final close up as I close the chapter on this look. I will always love the looks I achieved with Genus, but its time to embrace the new.

doux idtty rise gingerfish

hair:  DOUX – Dua hairstyle
head: GENUS Project – Genus Head – Classic Face W001 – Mocap
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin:  [Glam Affair] Josie Applier [ Genus ] @ Access

eyeshadow:  IDTTY FACES – GENUS ROYAL FLUSH COLLECTION #4 @ Shiny Shabby
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – GENUS ROYAL FLUSH COLLECTION #7 @ Shiny Shabby
SU!– Almond Nails

[ rD ] Omni Necklace @ Belle

pose: GingerFish Poses – Give Good Face

background: Ocean Lighs – Arcane Depths – The Bearded Guy

Posted in accessories, Collabor88, Cosmetics, Cosmopolitan, DOUX, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Glam Affair, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, skin, tattoo, The Liaison Collaborative

my blood couldn’t keep you

I’m sorry but your story isn’t adding up
Think your religion is a lie to keep my mouth shut
So I won’t testify the crimes you’re keeping score of
Why don’t you throw me to the wolves I thought you were one

You were standing there like an angry god
Counting out my sins just to cross them off
Saying that my tongue was too loud to trust
And that my blood couldn’t keep you

My dear, you’re not so innocent
You’re fooling Heaven’s gates
So you won’t have to change
You’re no saint, you’re no savior

Your revelations don’t look nothing like the pictures
You read between the lines and don’t stick to the scriptures
You only follow rules if others follow with you
That doesn’t sound so holy only playing victim
~ Echos – Saints

doux ga idtty rd

hair: DOUX – Alaska hairstyle @ LeVeL
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
eyes:  .euphoric ~Kitty Eyes Applier ~[LeLutka] @ Cosmopolitan
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Mara Skin [ Lelutka ] @ C88

lashes: MICHAN – Lilith Lashes Fatpack [Lel EVO] @ TLC
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA SWEET TEMPTATION COLLECTION #2 @ Kinky
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA SWEET TEMPTATION COLLECTION #7 @ Kinky

Apocalyptic – Awakening the eye black @ Belle
(Yummy) Cleopatra Nose Ring – Silver
[ rD ] – Antares Necklace @ FaMESHed

Posted in DOUX, Events, GenusProject, Glam Affair, Home Decor, Kustom9, Legacy, Lelutka, Maitreya, Mina Hair, Second Life, shopping, vinyl, {le fil casse}

I have nothing left

I messed up. I messed up so big. I just had to say that my good mood was untouchable. I just had to put that out there and the universe said, “Challenge accepted.” Then the universe proceeded to take me on one helluva roller coaster ride. But instead of dipping down and back  up to level  out at the end….this ride went off the freaking tracks. I’m done. I’m not going to write about my life anymore. I’m not going to write anything. I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay and life is all rosey. I tried, because I knew people were tired of reading my whoa is me b.s. So, after today, there won’t be anything to read. Just pictures and credits. It may or may not cost me some blogging assignments & followers. I guess time will tell, but I have nothing left.

Mina LFC ayla diversion vinyl

left:
hair:  MINA – Ananda @ Summerfest
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.2
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [Glam Affair] Bia Skin [ Lelutka ] @ Kustom9

TRIGGERED – Paramour glasses @ Belle
[ rD ] San Croix Necklace @ Belle
{le fil casse} April Swim Set

pose: Diversion – Sunshower Set @ Belle

right
hair:  DOUX – Cordelia hairstyle
head:  Genus Head – Classic Face
body:  Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
skin: L’Etre – Lana Skin

VINYL Bae Swimsuit

pose is in the lounger

Ayla. Beach Day @ Summerfest
Ayla. Beach Day – Beach Parasol
Ayla. Beach Day – Beach Lounger
Ayla. Beach Day – Basket

location: The Bay

Posted in crate, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Maitreya, Mina Hair, N21, Second Life, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL, vinyl

Empty Hearts

Oh, glazed eyes, empty hearts
Buying happy from shopping carts
Nothing but time to kill
Sipping life from bottles
Tight skin, bodyguards
Gucci down the boulevard
Cocaine, dollar bills
And
My happy little pill
Take me away
Dry my eyes
Bring color to my skies
My sweet little pill
Tame my hunger
Lie within
Numb my skin
Like a rock I float
Sweat and conversations seep into my bones
Four walls are not enough
I’ll take a dip into the
Unknown, unknown

miu vinyl crate tlc

left
hair: MINA – Gwen @ FaMESHed
head: LeLUTKA Erin Head
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Charm Ears
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [theSkinnery] Maya (LeLutkaEVO) @ Uber

imbue. plastic heart earrings – pride  Part of the SL Pride mainstore event!
(Yummy) OM Layered Necklace

top: Miu – Eva tank @ FaMESHed
shorts: Miu – Vickie shorts @ FaMESHed

right
hair: –FABIA– Mesh Hair < Valery> @ TLC
head: Genus Head – Classic Face
body: Maitreya
skin: L’Etre – Lana Skin

[ bubble ] Kitty Glasses @ TLC
[ rD ] Linosa Earrings @ TLC
[ rD ] Linosa Necklace @ TLC

top: VINYL – Custard Top @ FaMESHed
shorts: VINYL – Seven Booty Shorts @ N21

pose: Lyrium. Girls Dual Pose 11 @ Pose Fair Market

scene:
Lyrium. Seashore Scene @ Pose Fair Market

crate Beachcomber Bar @ TLC

Posted in Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, Uber SL, vinyl

Better Late Than Never

Every year there’s a Second Life challenge to do a yearbook photo and I’ve never participated. High school was not the best of times for me. I could have a do over, I know I would’ve done things very differently. I suppose that’s true for most of us. Anyway, whenever people do the yearbook photo challenge I can’t help but giggle, because I hated our senior yearbook photos. The first ice school I went to, gave an option to do the standard senior photo with the velvet crap draped off shoulder for girls/tuxedo for boys OR you could pay for the deluxe package to have outdoor shots that reflected your personal style. However, life happened and we moved. So, the high school I ended up graduating from didn’t offer that. They only did the standard velvet crap. That pretty much summed up my high school years. Today when I shot this picture, I giggled at how long it took me to finally take the kind of picture I always wanted for my real life senior yearbook photo. Better late than never, I suppose…even if its virtual.

stealthic vinyl space cadet heaux idtty

hair: Stealthic – Chiffon
head: LeLUTKA Erin Head 1.2
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [theSkinnery] Maya (LeLutkaEVO) @ Uber

[Heaux] Kitten Eyes @ SaNaRae
eyeshadow: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA FRENCH KISS #2 @ Kinky 
lipstick: IDTTY FACES – LELUTKA FRENCH KISS #6 @ Kinky

[ rD ] – Madurai Set @ Belle
***earrings & necklace***
VINYL – Salt Cami @ Uber
VINYL – Chica Denim Skirt @ Uber

pose: – space cadet – furutsu

Posted in Bueno, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Kustom9, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shoes, shopping, Uber SL

Giving me chills

Swimming in your eyes, in your eyes, in your eyes
Egyptian blue
Something I’ve never had without you
You’re giving me chills at a hundred degrees
It’s better than pills how you put me to sleep
Calling your name, the only language I can speak
Taking my breath, a souvenir that you can keep
Giving me chills
Chills

monso bueno utopia rise design bearded guy

Sady is wearing:
hair:  [monso] My Hair – Maria
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.1
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.2.1)
skin: [Glam Affair] Bella Skin [Lelutka] @ Kustom9

[ rD ] – Evangeline Gorget
BUENO-Julia Bodysuit Fatpack @ Uber
MIWAS / High waist Fishnet tights
**UTOPIA@Design** – “KENDRA”

pose: [evoLove] – Provocative pose set
Rub Cross Steel – Monday Moves – The Bearded Guy

Posted in Chic Moda, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative

Forget the Mistake

Forget the mistake. Remember the lesson. If you ever feel like you’ve screwed up…and let’s face it, we all have. So, regardless of whether its professional or personal, it’s important that you forgive yourself. If you feel like you’ve been wronged by someone, forgive them. Even if you can’t forget, once you forgive,  you’ll be able to move forward. Yet, when we harbor resentments, whether towards other or ourselves, we trap ourselves with a negative energy that prevents us from growing into our best possible selves.  Now, if we can focus on what we learn from the lesson rather than dwelling on the mistake we can reverse that negative energy and turn it into something positive promotes growth and a healthier mindset. We come a lot closer to reaching our potential!  In every mistake, there is a lesson for us to learn…an opportunity to focus on the positive. Mistakes are part of this journey we call life, we don’t need to take them all so seriously. So, when they do, show some compassion. Let’s change the world one attitude at a time and do our absolute best. Afterall, we’re worth it!

stealthic chicmoda luanes world

Sady is wearing:
hair:  Stealthic – Purity
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.1
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.2.1)
skin: [theSkinnery] Signe

[ rD [ Laguna Earrings @ FaMESHed
[ rD ] Laguna Necklace @ FaMESHed
(Yummy) Theia Ring Set @ Uber
ChicModa // Pamela @ FaMESHed

:LW: Bento Poses – Dreaming Wide Awake @ The Liaison Collaborative

Posted in Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Lamb, Legacy, Lelutka, Pose Fair, Second Life, shoes, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative, vinyl, [BREATHE]

Freedom of My Mind

“Lock up your libraries if you like; but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind.”
― Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

lamb rise vinyl miu breathe lyrium

Sady is wearing:
hair:  Lamb. Mod @ FaMESHed
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head 1.1
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.2.1)
skin: [theSkinnery] Signe

[ rD ] Blossima Earrings @ Belle
[ rD ] Blossima Necklace @ Belle
VINYL – Blackberry Top @ The Liaison Collaborative
Miu – Brielle shorts @ FaMESHed
[BREATHE]-Kaiko Heels @ FaMESHed

pose & background: Lyrium. Garden View Scene – Easter Lily Field @ Pose Fair Market