“And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.” ― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
I’m up all night online I’m looking up my symptoms Tell myself I’m fine But my system just ain’t listenin’ Like ooh This ain’t normal how I’m feelin’, no Ooh Running higher than a fever When my palms start to sweat I feel it in my stomach This is how I get Every time I know you’re comin’ over Ooh Sometimes I think that I might die with you Ooh It’s like I’m almost too alive with you Ahhh Ooh ohh ooh Oh, it feels like My heart’s gonna beat so fast, gonna beat so fast Gonna beat so fast that it might stop
I was hanging out with some of my favorite people last night and one of them made a comment about “lazy homeless” people. I quickly jumped on the defensive. As I have been homeless on a number of occasions in my 20s and there was nothing lazy about my situation. Of course, I encountered loads of other homeless people during those times. I had to explain that while there are some people that simply don’t want to be responsible members of society. However, the bulk of the homeless people I encountered were anything but lazy. As being homeless is not an easy way to live. People that live in shelters must abide by an excess of rules put in place to keep things as orderly as possible. There are curfews and requirements one must continuously make to continue their stay and many shelters have limitations on how long people can reside there. I don’t have specific numbers, but I’d dare say that the majority of homeless people have not chosen that lifestyle as their preferred method of existence. Plus there are far more living without shelter. That is NOT an easy way to live. Its beyond dangerous. Once a person is homeless, it is safe to say that getting back on your feet is ridiculously hard. As I pointed out to my friend, what is the first thing you do the morning of a job interview? Shower, right? If you have no home, you have no shower and probably don’t have much in the way of a clean nice outfit to wear. Anyway, the point is, don’t be so quick to judge people in situations you can’t begin to understand. Turns out that one of the other people there had also experienced homelessness and was glad that I spoke up. Meanwhile, our uninformed friend was enlightened and apologized. I didn’t find the apology necessary, but it was appreciated. I was especially glad that we were all able to have such a beautiful conversation about life without hate or disgust. I won’t name them, because too many private matters were discussed and only my part of the story is mine to tell. I suspect they might read this and because they might I want to give them to know something. I love you and I’m so grateful for your friendship. I look forward to getting to know you even better in the years to come. ♥
Clearly that has nothing to do with the photo. So, I’d like to add that if you have not gotten the Spring Decocrate, this set from Serenity Style is worth getting it, just for this set. Even if you didn’t pre order it, its worth the price. Go grab yours. I have to pay full price, too, cuz I forgot to pre order…lol. You’ll also notice I’m wearing the new Lost Girl dress from Vinyl. This is the first dress Vinyl has released in ages and its so cute! AND it goes perfectly with these new wedges that Breathe released at the Arcade! So get out your wallets, its time to go shopping!!
hair: DOUX – Lucy hairstyle @ LEVEL head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC — SARAH @ Kustom9 tattoo: *Bolson / Tattoo – Antheia @ Anthem
..::THOR::.. Think Green Gacha Set @ Arcade -..::THOR::.. Hanging Crate -..::THOR::.. Organic Hanging Tote -..::THOR::.. Vintage Table Fan – Mint -..::THOR::.. Greenhouse Stool – Cream -..::THOR::.. Owl & Books -..::THOR::.. Vintage Watering Can – Mint
Apple Fall Blanket Curio Apple Fall Books – Arrangement 7 Apple Fall Books – Arrangement 8 Apple Fall Books – Arrangement 10 West Village Sculpted Turtle – Verdigris
I heard from a friend of a friend That you’ve been checking back in ‘Cause I said goodbye, moved overnight And you haven’t heard much since then Wondering how I’m doing now It’s none of your business first of all Wondering how I’m doing now But if you’ve got to know, well sure Well sure You think I’d be lost Think I’d be lost without you, lost Is it hard knowing you’re wrong See I got lots without you Lots without you
hair: Tableau Vivant \ Water lily – Dropping @ Arcade head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC — SARAH @ Kustom9 tattoo: *Bolson / Tattoo – Antheia @ Anthem
My feet are on the ground I swear But I’m not moving anywhere My lungs say that I’m breathing But when did my heart stop beating? I don’t know who I am Or who I used to be before You broke me in a thousand pieces Now tell me, how am I to fix this? Don’t you try and help me ’cause I know I know Only time can heal but it’s running out Running outTell me how to feel, to feel okay Tell me how to feel, to feel okay ‘Cause I don’t know I’ve been feeling pretty low Ever since the day you dug my heart’s grave
hair: DOUX – Lucy hairstyle @ Level head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC — SARAH @ Kustom9 tattoo: *Bolson / Tattoo – Antheia @ Anthem
I never miss a beat I’m lightning on my feet And that’s what they don’t see, mm, mm That’s what they don’t see, mm, mm I’m dancing on my own (Dancing on my own) I make the moves up as I go (Moves up as I go) And that’s what they don’t know, mm, mm That’s what they don’t know, mm, mm But I keep cruising Can’t stop, won’t stop grooving It’s like I got this music in my mind Saying it’s gonna be alright’ Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake I shake it off, I shake it off (Whoo-hoo-hoo)
hair: DOUX – Vanilla hairstyle @ Uber head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC — SARAH @ Kustom9
There is an illusion about America, a myth about America to which we are clinging which has nothing to do with the lives we lead and I don’t believe that anybody in this country who has really thought about it or really almost anybody who has been brought up against it — and almost all of us have one way or another — this collision between one’s image of oneself and what one actually is is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it, you can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish. -James Baldwin
hair: DOUX – Vanilla hairstyle @ Uber head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.
9:24am Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide then after my shift, I passed the fuck out and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt Ghoulie: Jesus wammen Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho rofl Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT oh? how’s that? Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside when it was over we went to target to buy candy lmao Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts lmao Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif) Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay? Sady: we’ll see Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this” Sady: RIGHT??? Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it Sady: pretty much…lol
….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things
Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.
hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88 head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED hive // cold brew coffee to go . Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC
If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same The world is spinning but only in gray If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same The world is spinning but only in gray Somebody shine a light I’m frozen by the fear in me Somebody make me feel alive And shatter me So cut me from the line Dizzy, spinning endlessly Somebody make me feel alive And shatter me