Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, skin, The Liaison Collaborative

a glimpse into my BPD brain

Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes
So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.

9:24am
Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay
Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift
I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide
then after my shift, I passed the fuck out
and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt
Ghoulie: Jesus wammen
Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho
rofl
Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT
oh?
how’s that?
Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building
but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises
and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me
and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside
when it was over we went to target to buy candy
lmao
Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt
Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors
especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts
lmao
Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif)
Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car
Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay?
Sady: we’ll see
Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this”
Sady: RIGHT???
Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it
Sady: pretty much…lol

….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things

Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.

a glimpse into my BPD brain

hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5
eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: PUMEC – Lillian

[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC
Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC
MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED
hive // cold brew coffee to go .
Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC

pose: an lar [poses] The Sandra Series @ TLC

TROPIX // Time Music BackDrop 01 @ Access

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Legacy, Lelutka, [BREATHE]

Fantastic Finds

Shopping in SL is clearly much different from shopping in RL, but I do my best to mix and match pieces from various brands to create a look that isn’t quite so cookie cutter. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with creating a look based on an entire outfit presented by the designer. Sometimes I really like going through different pieces much like I do in RL. Luckily, I can do this in SL without making quite the same mess. *laughs* You should’ve seen my bedroom back in the day. I mean, you wouldn’t see the floor. I was quite messy, but I knew where the clean clothes were vs the dirty clothes!

N-E-WAY! I fell in love with this new suede and lace skirt from Gaia, but I wasn’t ready for the adorable camisole top that matched it. Of course, I got it. I’m saving that for another look, ok? Lucky for me, Breathe just released these amazing suede boots that really helped me achieve a warm cozy outfit with the perfect pinch of pink!

For the scene, I did something I thought was cute. I took these posters I had from ionic and added my own textures. Well, technically they belong to Lucky Conundrum, as he created them for Burrow Company. I just thought it would be neat if the posters actually advertised something inworld. So, a shoutout and a big thank you to Lucky for allowing me to use his posters for my scene. ♥

Fantastic Finds

hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.5
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: [theSkinnery] Monica (LeLutkaEVO)

MG – Earrings – Celeste’s Sparkly Heart @ C88
(Yummy) Poppet Ring Collection @ C88
[Z O O M] Secret Heart Handbag
Just BECAUSE Trixie Sweater
Gaia – kaja skirt @ C88
[BREATHE]-Ririse Heels @ C88

pose: FOXCITY. Stairs (Standing) Bento Pose Set

backdrop: .PALETO. Backdrop:. P25

Compulsion Plant 13

(Milk Motion) wet floor sign

+Half-Deer+ Spilled Liquid

Posted in Animals, Eudora3D, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Foxcity, Home Decor, Legacy, Lelutka, shoes, shopping, skin, Uber SL

I kinda dig it

I’ve always loved rooftop scenes in movies and tv shows. It always looks so cool with the way they make the roof of a building into something completely different. When I was growing up, my mother always had a lot of houseplants. She would struggle when we lived in apartments, because she wanted a yard where she could plant bushes and outdoor flowers. None of the buildings we ever lived in had a flat rooftop that my mom could use for gardening, but it was always something I wished she could have done. So, when I saw the Akina Garden Set from Serenity Style, I knew this was my chance to create a rooftop area that would be unlike anything else I’ve done. I had a lot of fun setting this all up to look like my avatar was getting photographed for her Instagram in her rooftop paradise. Who knows, maybe I’ll do more rooftop photography. I kinda dig it. *giggles* See what I did there? Yeah, I know, I’m punny. *sticks her tongue out*

I kinda dig it

hair: [monso] Billie Hair @ FaMESHed
head: LeLUTKA Lilly Head 2.5
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: #3 — PUMEC – NADYA – JANUARY — LELUTKA x BOM @ Epiphany

Just BECAUSE Wiwi Sweater @ Uber
AsteroidBox. Catie Skirt – FLF Exclusive Edition (Jan 29, 2021)
Eudora3D Monet Socks
Eudora3D Monet Heels

pose: FOXCITY. Mannequin Bento Pose Set

scene created on: MINIMAL – London Rooftop Scene

behind the Rooftop used as a skyline piece: .PALETO.Backdrop:.DON’T PANIC

other scene components:
[Rezz Room] English Bulldog Adult Bark
[Rezz Room] Grouchy Cat Yawning

Serenity Style– Akina Garden Set @ Uber
Serenity Style- Akina Garden Pots Shelves
Serenity Style- Akina Garden Plant 2
Serenity Style- Akina Garden Small Tree
Serenity Style- Akina Garden Plant 3
Serenity Style- Akina Garden Plant 1

Ayla. DIY Plant Stands – Book Plant Stand

Ariskea[Acai] Bohemian Pillow [Mustard]

(Luc.) Iced Tea [BENTO Server]

22769 – Garden Patio
22769 – Patio Pouf Table – COMMON
22769 – Shabby Patio Rug – COMMON
22769 – Patio Chair Creme – COMMON
22769 – Banana Tree – COMMON
22769 – Cubic Box Tree Pot – COMMON
22769 – Patio Fairy Lights – COMMON

22769 – Gardening Work
22769 – Seeding Bowl – COMMON
22769 – Bags of Soil – COMMON
22769 – Garden Wellies – COMMON
22769 – Workbench – COMMON
22769 – Shelf with Oil – COMMON
22769 – Box with Tools – COMMON
22769 – Box With Pots – COMMON
22769 – Watering Can – COMMON
22769 – Flowerpots – COMMON

Posted in Chic Moda, Collabor88, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka

Silence is violence and defeat

Too bad some people like to sleep
Talking the American dream
I woke up late at night to see
Nightmares on every city street
Somethings that made me wanna scream
Can’t wake you, make you wanna see
Silence is violence and defeat
But you just stay quiet in the sheets, quiet in the sheets
Traps songs in the frat house
Trump sign in the window
How can we be free in the future if the kids don’t
Conquer the addiction
Start to make revisions?
Maybe most of all
We should learn to fucking listen

Silence is violence and defeat

hair: [monso] Beth Hair @ FaMESHed
head: LeLUTKA Lily Head 2.5
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: Glam Affair – Lelutka Skin – Zasha @ C88

ChicModa // Tina Sweater
-[ vagrant ]- Julia Shorts 70L SERASIM SUNDAY

pose: Vanity Poses – Opora Bento 70L SERASIM SUNDAY

MINIMAL – Fountain Scene

dust bunny . potted cheese plant
dust bunny . potted palm
dust bunny . spotted begonia

HEXtraordinary Steampunk Newspaper Vending Machine

[Rezz Room] French Bulldog Animesh (Companion) v1.0.0 @ Equal10
[Rezz Room] Chihuahua Animesh (Companion)

by Tentacio:
comic books
comic game
Comic bag
raspberry drink

Posted in Animals, Apple Fall, Chic Moda, Collabor88, Cosmetics, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, The Liaison Collaborative

If the dog allows it

It never snows in LA
You’d never know it was a holiday
I don’t believe that Jesus Christ was born to save me
That’s an awful lot of pressure for a baby
But here we are again, with family or friends
Some extra time to spend and I’m not mad about it
Don’t waste a dime on me, just want your company
Beside a Christmas tree, if the dog allows it
Finneas – Another Year

If the dog allows it

hair: [monso] Yaska Hair @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.5
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: — PUMEC – JADWIGA – LELUTKA x BOM
ears: — PUMEC – / Mesh Ears\ – Dance of evil genius

cat ears, eyes, eyeshadow, & lipstick: — PUMEC – MURKA – BEAUTY SET (LELUTKA) @ Santa Inc
Tulssy – Abstract Fatpack Coffin
(Yummy) Eliza Ring Collection @ C88

AvaWay LETTER Necklaces @ FaMESHed
ChicModa // Fiona Top & Pants

[Rezz Room] European Cat Adult Reindeer Animesh @ Santa Inc

pose: Diversion – Holiday Chill Poses @ The Liaison Collaborative

scene:
Architect. Kronos Fireplace

Apple Fall Happy Santa Figure (Icy)

ACORN Let It Snow Blocks



Posted in Bueno, Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Lelutka, Maitreya

Better Things

Welp, I made it on that dreadful website again. *shakes my head* The things they say bother me far less than the idea that someone is wasting so much of their precious time focusing on some silly form of fixated hate. Whoever is posting about me, clearly doesn’t really know me, so they can say whatever they want on that silly site. That’s why they have to post anonymously, right? It’s ok if they don’t like my blog and my photos. I’m fully aware of my limitations as an SL photographer. I’ve never claimed to be some sort of expert. I do what I like. I always have and always will, as far as photography is concerned. If others like it…YAY! If they don’t…well, I understand.
I’m not quite sure where they got the man stealing idea, but that definitely isn’t me. I have NEVER done that in Second Life. Earlier this year, I broke one of my cardinal rules, sorta twice, by dating guys that had dated friends of mine in the past. However, both of my friends were aware and gave their blessings. It didn’t work out, but no one ran away from me….though, to be fair, they probably should have. *laughs* I probably am a tad bit psycho. *evil grin* I’m okay with that. I lost my RL husband to a much younger and much prettier woman. The pain that delivered is far more than any I would ever wish on someone else. So, stealing a man isn’t my style. Besides, why would I want one that can be so easily stolen in the first place?
Alas, if this person so filled with hatred for me….if they really knew me, they probably wouldn’t waste so much of their time on me. Though, by the looks of things, they probably never will, cuz I tend to surround myself with loving individuals who support each others’ endeavors. My friends and I don’t tear each other down. Nor do we look for ways to tear others down.
Once again, I must say that I do not wish this person any ill will. In fact, I’d prefer they find some happiness in their lives and fill their hearts with love instead of whatever petty jealousy or hate that consumes them. If I somehow inadvertently hurt this person, I highly doubt that is was my intention. Perhaps they do have justified reasons to dislike me, but until they are courageous enough to step out of the cowardly anonymous shadows…I cannot honestly know. Nor can I apologize. Perhaps they are the psychotic ones and have no valid reason at all. Until they come forward, I’ll just have to do what I do best…shrug it off and keep on moving forward. I have better things to focus my attention on. ♥

Better Things

[monso] Ahri2 Hair @ C88
LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.5
Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V5.0
Glam Affair – Lelutka Applier – Willow @ C88

BUENO-One Love Necklace @ C88
Decoy – Kathleen Cropped Sweater @ C88
BUENO-Julia Jeans for Sat Sale Nov 7, 2020

pose: space cadet – fresh hot tea @ C88
***(come with color change cup)

location: Curiosity Lake

Posted in Apple Fall, Collabor88, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Kustom9, Legacy, Lelutka

I’m so, so done

‘Cause I’m so, so done
Guardin’ my tongue, holdin’ me back
I’m livin’ the way that I want
‘Cause I’m so, so done
Fighting myself, goin’ through Hell
I’m livin’ the way that I want
I’m livin’ the way that I want
I’m livin’ the way that I want
I’m livin’ the way that I want
I’m livin’ the way that I want

I lost control over all my energy
Done so much damage to my heart
I’ve given in, I’ve changed my identity
I didn’t mean to go so far, umm-mm

Oh my God (God)
I wish (Wish) I could be (Be) better than this
My God, wish (Wish) I could be (Oh-oh)
~ Alicia Keys – So Done

hair: [monso] Lena2 Hair @ Kustom9
head: LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.0
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [theSkinnery] Dalia (LeLutkaEVO) @ C88

TRIGGERED – Chimera Glasses @ Unik
earrings: MG – Kaleidoscope – #18
CHAIN – Tina Necklace Set @ Anthem
AvaWay KITTEN_Bracelet
Burrow Custom To-Go Cup
RE Festive Rings Set

-[ vagrant ]- Kaylee Set @ Kustom9
-[ vagrant ]- Kaylee Wristband R
-[ vagrant ]- Kaylee Top
-[ vagrant ]- Kaylee Shorts

[ VERSOV ] COPOV_GROUP GIFT Ankle Monitor
[Enchante’] – Jenny Sneakers

[Rezz Room] Dachshund Adult Animesh @ Equal10

pose: DM – Stairway
backdrop: Los Vecinos – Dharma – The Bearded Guy

scene extras:
Hangry – Croissant Ice Cream – Peach {rez} @ Kustom9

(Luc.) Ethel the Babushka Figurine @ Kustom9

Apple Fall Ceramic Milk Jar @ FaMESHed
Apple Fall Olive Jar – Olive Glaze @ FaMESHed

dust bunny . paradise plants . monstera tree @ FaMESHed
dust bunny . paradise plants . fan palm @ FaMESHed
dust bunny . paradise plants . pineapple plant @ FaMESHed

Posted in Events, FaMESHed, Legacy, Lelutka, vinyl

Just Empty

Sometimes, I just don’t care. I don’t know why. I suppose its a symptom of mental illness. I’m not sure which one. I guess I should ask my therapist. Maybe one day I will. Then again, I’ve been ill for a few days, so it could just be related to that. I just know that lately, I don’t feel sad or happy. I just feel nothingness. As if there’s a void in my soul. It’s not dark or light. It’s not black or white. It’s not blurry or clear. It’s gray and foggy, like creepy autumn morning. It’s just empty.

hair: [monso] Babi Hair @ FaMESHed
head: LeLUTKA Fleur Head 2.0
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.3.1)

RichB. Thalion Earrings
RichB. Mad NoseChain
[ rD ] – Thrall Necklace @ FaMESHed X
Pixicat– Hailey Top @ Anthem
VINYL – Sticky Bun Leggings @ FaMESHed

pose: Bauhaus Movement – The Way You Like It 14

backdrop is a combination of two:
I Dont Care – Bad Decisions – The Bearded Guy
Rustico – Good Times – The Bearded Guy

Posted in Fashion, Foxcity, GenusProject, Glam Affair, Kustom9, Legacy, Second Life

Re-imagined

When I found the point of life
It came creeping towards me
The shape of eyes

It was all this re-imagined
It was a different kind of speech
It was repetition
It was what you wanted it to be

When I saw the shape of sound
Everything came spiraling

It was all this re-imagined
It was a different kind of speech
It was repetition
It was what you wanted it to be
~ The Contortionist – Reimagined

bs foxcity

hair: [monso] Lalisa Hair @ Kustom9
head: GENUS Project – Genus Head – Classic Face W001 – Mocap
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin:  [Glam Affair] Josie Applier [ Genus ] @ Access

Wednesday[+] ~ Idoru Eyelashes @ Kustom9
{S0NG} :: Jem Eyes @ Kustom9
LUXREBEL ”KOKO” Lipstick (GENUS) TAN @ Access

SU!– Hell Freak Sunglasses Gold #04
Kibitz – Tricia’s choker @ Kustom9
[ kunst ] – Aubree septum @ Kustom9

Blossom&Seeds CandySet @ Access

pose: FOXCITY. Poise Bento Pose Set @ Kustom9
FOXCITY. Photo Booth – Air @ Kustom9

 

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping, Uber SL

Better Alone

Nobody wants to be
Nobody wants to be the one to walk away
Nobody wants to see
Nobody wants to see the truth, then let it in, run away
Nobody wants to know
Nobody wants to know the ways they don’t love you right
They don’t love you right
So when you hold me tightly, all night
Ooh, baby, I feel like something’s not right
When you hold me tightly like that
Ooh, baby, I know, mmm
I’m better alone than lonely (lonely, lonely)
I’m better alone than lonely here with you
So lonely here
I’m better alone than lonely (lonely, lonely)
I’m better alone than lonely here with you
So lonely here
I’m better alone than lonely
~ Lykke Li – Better Alone

jb amitie

hair: [monso] Moca Hair  @ Collabor88
head: LeLUTKA Lake Head
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.2)
skin: [theSkinnery] Maya (LeLutkaEVO) @ Uber

*Just BECAUSE* Kelly Bikini

pose: Amitie Straw Bag & Espadrilles Pack @ ShinyShabby

location: Burrow Coffee & Whiskey Co.