‘Cause I’m so, so done Guardin’ my tongue, holdin’ me back I’m livin’ the way that I want ‘Cause I’m so, so done Fighting myself, goin’ through Hell I’m livin’ the way that I want I’m livin’ the way that I want I’m livin’ the way that I want I’m livin’ the way that I want I’m livin’ the way that I want
I lost control over all my energy Done so much damage to my heart I’ve given in, I’ve changed my identity I didn’t mean to go so far, umm-mm
Oh my God (God) I wish (Wish) I could be (Be) better than this My God, wish (Wish) I could be (Oh-oh) ~ Alicia Keys – So Done
I don’t like leaving my house. This is well known among my friends, but there are times that I have no choice. I have to go to the store or the doctor. I have to take the dog out. I suffer from extreme anxiety and each time I walk out the front door of my house I wish for the earth to swallow me whole. I can’t explain when it started or the cause of it. I wasn’t always like this. I used to love being outdoors. I was very active and enjoyed long walks in the woods. The only thing that seems to bring me any peace when I am out of the house is when I encounter a random butterfly or dragonfly. For as long as I can remember, those beautiful, majestic creatures have fascinated me and delivered a sense of peace. It is for this reason that no matter where I live in SL, be it a boring little linden home or the gorgeous homestead I have now, there will always be butterflies and dragonflies. These amazing little things that bring me the simplest of joys and comfort can be part of my daily virtual life if I so choose it.
“You tell me that you’re ready but you just don’t know My eyes are getting heavy and it’s starting to show Never seen it coming, never seen a thing Maybe I’ll get through what’s ever coming to me”
Sometimes we just have to walk up the line we thought we’d never cross and just step forward. Whether that line is the edge of something new or walking away from something that’s holding us back. Scariest of all, is that the line might just be one of the biggest gambles of our life. We have to follow our hearts and let ourselves step up to that edge.
I’m staring at such an edge right now and wondering whether or not I’m truly ready. Is it worth the gamble? Is it really a gamble at all? I’m risking the unknown if I cross that line. I’m asking myself over and over am I ready for the absolute worst consequences. What’s coming my way if I go…right over that line? I can’t know unless I’m willing to cross it.
One thing I know for sure? I’m ready for a change. I’ve let other people determine too many limits in my life and I just can’t keep letting that continue. Its time for me to take charge of my life and do what I believe is right for me…even if that means it might hurt someone I love. *sighs*