Posted in Avenge, Bueno, Catwa, Collabor88, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Gingerfish Poses, Maitreya, RunAway Hair, Second Life, shopping

Smile

I know there’s a certain irony in calling this post smile when I’m not smiling at all. It could have been called Resting Bitch Face and perhaps made a bit more sense. Then again, I’m not really writing about smiling, that just happens to be the name of the song I attached below the credits. I’m not posting the lyrics this time, because they don’t fully speak for me like they often do. My mind is pretty scattered today, actually. I went to the doctor yesterday and I was prescribed two more meds to take along with the others. One of them is a muscle relaxer and I swear I feel down right loopy. So, I’m just leave you with this…hold your head up no matter what’s going on and if you’re too weak to hold your head up, lean on a friend, because there’s a reason to smile waiting around the corner. And if this all sounds like nonsense, then I blame the meds. ūüėČ

pure
We’re trying so hard to get it all right
But only feel lonely at the end of the night
I wanna be somewhere away from this place
Yeah, somewhere just a little closer to grace

wearing:
hair: [RA] Romy Hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin:¬†Glam Affair –¬† Rayna (*new* @ C88)

[Avenge] Pearls earrings (*new* @ TCF)
Nov-Argentina Choker Diamond
[Z O O M] Deep Diamond Glasses
BUENO-Vixen Dress (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: GingerFish Poses – Poison set (*new* @ ebento)

Posted in Avenge, Bueno, Catwa, Events, Fashion, Maitreya, RAMA, Second Life, Sexy Princess, shopping

Because I Can

I love dressing super sexy/slutty in SL, because I can. I’ve been known to dress up like an elf, a cat, a murderer, a skater, a devil, and a variety of other things. My avatar is also much thinner than me in RL and she is forever young. She is anything I want her to be, all based on how I’m feeling at the moment. That’s the beauty of Second Life, right? We can be just about anything we want? Now, I understand that if you dress as an elf and go to an RP sim where there are other elves, people will assume you are there to RP. The same can be said about any of the characters. I mean, there seems to be a sim for everything these days, whether RP or not. So, naturally if I’m dressed overtly sexy or slutty and I hang out at a popular adult club, its going to happen that someone is going to say something or do something that would not be okay in the real world. I’m not easily offended in either world.
However, as an adult woman in her 40s, I find the age difference disconcerting at times. I hear people say all the time that age is just a number, but I disagree. Age is much more than a number. Age is a reflection of time spent alive, it suggests decades of changes that were either witnessed first hand or merely learned by historians. If I’m closer to your mom’s age than I am to yours, things are going to be weird at times. I know, I’ve been there more than once. Yes, it took more than one for me to learn my lesson. The lesson I learned is that it matters to ME. I always find it ironic when a guy is hitting on me and I ask his age. The minute he tells me he’s under a certain age, I wince and shake my head. I won’t deny that its somewhat flattering when they say, “I like older women” or “age doesn’t bother me.” But c’mon, let’s be real, we all know they are most likely just trying to get laid and that’s fine. Again, adult club…its to be expected. What I find amusing is that they assume that their opinion on the age difference is the only one that matters. Uhm, hello? I asked the question for a reason. I’m not going to relate romantically to a 20yr old guy. Sure, they can lie and say they are older, but the truth will come out eventually. There are certain things that people in their 20s simply could not have experienced and certainly wouldn’t remember, because it happened before their time.
This is not to say that I’m not capable of being friends with people of all ages. We can certainly learn a lot from one another, but knowing that you weren’t even born when I graduated high school? Meh, sorry boys, it just turns me off. So, even if you’re just wanting to get laid, try paying attention to what the woman is saying. The questions she asks means those topics are important to her. This goes both ways, all ways, regardless of gender and/or sexual preference, obviously.

dirty dancing

wearing:
hair: RAMA.SALON РCherry Hair (*new* @ Blush)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair РViktoria Applier

[Sexy Princess] Blossom Top & Skirt (*new* @ DAZZLE)
[Avenge] Sparkling thong (*new* @ Kinky)

pose by Del May
BUENO-Hallway-Miami (*new* @ Arcade)

Posted in Avenge, Catwa, Events, Fashion, Jian, Kaithleen's, Mina Hair, Second Life, Shiny Shabby, shopping, Uber SL

Not This Time

Each time¬† some one hurts me, each time my heart is broken, and left scarred…it gets harder and harder to even believe in true love, at least not for me. My close friends know what a hard time I’m having in the real these days. Yes, SL is my escape. Yes, my real life is pretty sad and a whole lot of scary right now. My husband and I have been separated but sharing a home for over two years. He had his room, I had mine. There were times that I was hopeful that we might could work it out. He has recently moved out and moved in with the woman with whom his affair was the end of our marriage.
There are times when I am grateful for what I have and do my best to stay positive. There are times that I take great comfort in violent fantasies. Most of all I wake up each day disappointed that it not just a bad dream. This nightmare is my reality.
I’m dealing with a grocery list of health issues that will never get better. I live in constant physical pain. I’m not writing this to complain or whine. I’m writing this to explain why I’ve decided to live the remainder of my days as a free spirit. I refuse to be tied down to things I no longer believe in.
I never wanted to get married, because I’ve never seen a successful marriage. I suck at relationships, ask any of my exes, they’ll agree. I can and do love, very deeply. Its being loved that I struggle with and it never fails that the minute I start to believe that I might just be worthy of that same love in return that I am proven wrong, each and every time. I’ve been drawn to relationships all my life. I hate feeling lonely, but the truth is…I’m not alone. I have some wonderful friends. That’s all I need. I will not seek out another romantic relationship, not this time.
Yes, I am broken, but I am broken beyond mending. I’ve accepted that and the people that I’m closest to are aware of it, too. I’ve accepted my plight and learning to let go of a dream is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m awake now. I won’t repeat my mistakes again and again…not this time…well, not for a very long time, at least. *sighs* I really mean this stuff when I say it, you know?
Deva, stop laughing. Dusty, stop rolling your eyes…I swear they’re going to roll right out of your head one day. Sora, distract him, will ya? Tracy, Grace, Kess….you cunts, just shut the hell up. *sighs* I hear you giggling, Luca. Ame, whoop her, will ya? Nikole, get the duct tape, you get it, right?
4in1
We started out as lonely hearts
We started with a promise built on highs
You said I was the missing part
Looked into my eyes said
“You’re my fix for life”

wearing:
hair: MINA РNoah  (*new* @ Uber)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair РViktoria Applier
[Avenge] Rosary necklace double (F) – pearls (*new* @ MOM)
JIAN Chinchilla :: Hand Held
Kaithleen’s Irina Top (*new* @ ShinyShabby)

pose: an lar [poses] The Cordelia Series
taikou / summer night backdrop (*new* @ Uber)

 

 

Posted in Avenge, Catwa, Chic Moda, Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Second Life, Tres Chic

I Tried

When I tell someone that I don’t believe I have a true love or that you no longer have a heart to give, they immediately feel sorry for me. They want to save me and convince m that there is a true love out there for me somewhere.¬† Meanwhile, I have a man telling me that anyone would be a fool not to love me, but does he? How could he when he is with another? I have tried to believe that there is something special out there for me, but I’ve surrendered to my fate. I know now that my place is in the shadows. I know that my place is a secret hideaway, for it in the dark that the truth hides. Whatever there is about me that people find so lovable, there must be something equally wretched that sends them away. And that’s ok. I know now that I tried. That is not my life. Love has eluded me repeatedly and now? I’m done. I tried.

I tried
Sometimes I feel that I am what I deserve
A hundred crimes, no way to pay them off
So when quiet fills the night and you hurt
Know I am sorry for all that you lost

wearing:
hair: no.match_ ~ NO_WONDERLAND (*new* @ Enchantment)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
ears: ^^Swallow^^ Shiny Ears
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: [theSkinnery] Katy (Catwa Applier) toffee (*new* @ C88)
brows: ‚ÄďSU!- Blair Eyebrows +CATWA APPLIER

[Avenge] Universe necklace (long) (*new* @ TresChic)
[Avenge] Universe earring (*new @ TresChic)
ChicModa&e.marie // Knot Dress (*new* @ Whimsical)

pose by Del May
Paparazzi – Slum Riverside – BACKDROP – green (*new* @ Limit8)

Posted in Aphorism, Avenge, Catwa, Events, FaMESHed, Maitreya, Phedora, pr!tty, Second Life, shoes, shopping

Can They Truly Be Separate?

I’m a big profile perv. I love to see what people share, how they talk, or whether they’ve decided to keep it blank. Either way, I tend the find the 1st Life tab the most interesting, as so many will put something about keeping RL separate from SL. I assume they mean that they prefer to keep the details of their real lives a secret and quite possibly their second lives are a secret from those in their real lives, as well. However, I am always left wondering does anyone truly believe that its possible to keep them entirely separate?
Isn’t the real you the one typing on the keyboard? Isn’t every thought you share in SL coming from the brain (or lack there of) in your real life head? Don’t you dress to appeal to yourself? How is it possible to be so completely separate unless your entire existence here is a complete and total lie? Even then, you are bound to have a few honest thoughts slip through the cracks. Even a catfish tends to share some truths about themselves.
I suppose its not really important. It’s just something I wonder about from time to time and always makes me look at the people that write that as kind of odd. Why do you need to announce to the world that you’re keeping a secret? As a person with major trust issues, it tends to make me leery of them regardless of their intent and pull away.

aphorism phedora cae prtty

wearing:
hair: pr!tty РJuny Р-Short (*new* @ SaNaRae)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin:¬†Glam Affair¬†‚Äď Mindy

Cae :: Arden :: Necklace (*new* @ FaMESHed)
!APHORISM! Callie Dress (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Phedora ~ Meliantha heels v2 (*new* @ Kinky)

pose: oOo Studio: Ottoman Group Gift

scene:
[Avenge] Total White backdrop (*new* @ Limit8)
[ keke ] peony . group gift spring 2018 (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Ariskea[Cocoli] Outdoor Seat[Green] (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Ariskea[Cocoli] Banana Plant (*new* @ FaMESHed)

Posted in Avenge, Bloom, Catwa, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Maitreya, Phoenix, Prism Events, Second Life, shoes, shopping, Uber SL, [BREATHE]

Exactly What I Need

This has been an absolutely insane week. Last weekend was bad enough, but it only led to a week full of disappointments. People never cease to amaze me. It almost seems as if the people I really want to believe in, people I once looked up to…are the ones that have let me down the most. I saw a meme earlier this week that read something like, “A this point, I’m more surprised by the people that stay than I am by the people that leave.” At least that was the general idea, might not be the exact words, but close enough. These days, I’m more surprised by the people that don’t try to stir up shit. Those are hard to find and its why I rarely leave my platform anymore.
I’ve got a few good friends, both male and female and that’s exactly what I need.

Therapy
You look like therapy
Exactly what I need
You are the darkness for me to light, yeah
The perfect remedy
To heal what’s hurting me
Come be the therapy for me
And me for you, tonight

wearing:
hair:  :::Phoenix::: Rebecca Hair (*new* @ Bloom)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin:¬†Glam Affair¬†‚Äď Mindy
neve top – recycled biker (*new* @ Uber)
neve short Рshameless plaid (*new* @ Uber)
[BREATHE]-Foxy Heels (*new* @ Uber)
FOXCITY. SkinFX – Volume I (*new* in mainstore)

pose: . Infiniti . РDarling set

scene:
[Avenge] Black/White backdrop (*new* @ Limit8)
NOMAD // Tufted Chair

Posted in Avenge, Catwa, Collabor88, Cosmopolitan, Death Row Designs, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Second Life

E2V-I’m No Expert, but…

So, there’s been a lot of posts on Facebook (and other social media, I’m sure) as well as notices being sent out in SL about the E2V system shutting down. I’m no expert, but let let me try to explain what’s happening. I’ve been watching designers scramble for solutions and suggestions to their customers. It truly breaks my heart. I’ve heard a lot of bitching from others about being forced to use or lose their credits. So, I wanted to take a minute and explain what I know about the situation, regarding both sides.
I’m going to start with the designers. I’m hoping that customers will read this and perhaps have a bit more empathy for the designers and their predicament. The way the system works is that they drop a script into their vendors and they have a server in which they drop the actual product. This system stores the purchase history of each customer, the products, maintains the credits, and re-deliveries. These designers were given a very short notice to come up with an alternative system and change over all of their vendors. Some of these stores have thousands of vendors. Think about each single color, plus fatpacks. They have to manually go through all of those vendors to set up said new system or go back to the old days when you simply bought the contents of the box, there were no credit systems or gifting options. This is going to be a tremendous amount of tedious work, regardless of which direction they go with their vendors. There are options out there, but each designer has to figure out what is best for them. I know that if I were a designer, I’d probably go back to the old way of doing things to prevent myself from ever being in this situation again.
From the customer’s perspective, some of them have been saving their credits so they can eventually afford a fatpack, or they’ve got so much credit they can’t possibly spend it all right away. As one of my friends stated, “I have everything I want from that store and there’s nothing new at the moment.” Fortunately, we all have until the end of May to use those gift cards and credits. Something else to remember, in the real world gift cards expire after one year and sometimes you get a gift card for a store that goes out of business before you ever get a chance to use it. I understand that it’s going to suck if you lose your store credits in this process, but its not the end of the world. I promise. I know that most stores are honestly trying to find an alternative for you all, but some stores are simply too big and their database is too massive to manually reach out to each and every customer while changing their vendors at the same time.
This is a lose lose for everyone. I’m asking that everyone remember that this does not affect just one or two people….one or two stores…this is a grid wide disaster. Please be kind to one another. Be patient, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. To customers, I beg you to please be kind to the designers. Do not yell at them, this is NOT their fault, no more than it is yours. Designers, I know you are all trying so hard and most of you have probably broken down into tears at some point. Try to remember that so many of your customers are simply confused and absolutely unaware of the details of this situation. I ask that everyone please refrain from attacking one another. I trust that designers will go out of their way to assist as many people as they can, but you will need to be patient as these designers have more on their plates at the moment than they’ve had in a very long time. Remember we’re all here to have fun…so please please please be kind to one another and try to understand…no one wanted this, but it is what it is.

starry night

wearing:
hair: #Besom~Gypsy Love (*new* @ EQUAL10)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: Glam Affair РMindy
(Yummy) Leave A Mark Set (*new* @ C88)
[Avenge] Libra necklace (*new* @ OMGacha)
LYBRA . HOLLY (*new* @ TLC)
[Avenge] Sparkling black pants (*new* @ Black Fair)
Scandalize. LeslyHEELS (*new* @ Cosmopolitan)

pose: FOXCITY. Spot On Bento Pose Set (*new* @ EQUAL10)
FOXCITY. Photo Booth РCosmos (*new* @ EQUAL10)
DRD – Hodgepodge Corner – Chair – Faded Mono

Posted in Avenge, Pale Girl Productions, Quasi, Second Life, shopping, Skin Fair, Tres Chic

Do You Know Me?

Keeping this one short and sweet…leaning on a song & lyrics. It’s a message and if you don’t get it, then it wasn’t meant for you. I just want to know if you’re really reading. *winks*

John Mayer – Do You Know Me?

It’s just the strangest thing
I’ve seen your face somewhere
An early evening dream,
A past life love affair
Do you know me, at all?
Do you know me, at all?
In all my reverie
I thought I felt us there
A feather in my hand,
A flower in your hair
Do you know me, at all?
Do you know me, at all?
Do you know me, at all?
Do you know me, at all?

do you know me

wearing:
hair: DOUX РCoco hairstyle (*new* @ TresChic)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin:¬†[Avenge] Heather skin applier for Catwa ‚Äď pale

lashes: [POUT!] Pretty Lashes РCATWA applier
eyes:¬†–SU!- [HUD] Isolabella Eyes
eyeshadow:¬†–SU!- Monochrome Eyeshadow +CATWA APPLIER+
lipstick:¬†–SU!- Leandra Lipstick 02 +CATWA APPLIER+

CURELESS [+] Sterile Face Bandages
[Atomic] Kitten Collar
**RE** Kitty Pearls Necklace
Birdy – Backstage – Lace – Lara – White

Quasi – 6 Ulysses Painting (*new* @ Imaginarium)
Quasi – 9 Sparta Motherfucker Painting (*new* @ Imaginarium)

Posted in Avenge, Catwa, Chic Moda, Cosmopolitan, Events, Fashion, Maitreya, Pale Girl Productions, Second Life, shopping, Skin Fair

OMG

I grew up in a pretty strict church setting. Though my father never went to church, my mother would drag me every other Sunday (she worked the other Sundays) and the Nazarene church is no joke. Aside from the fact that they change their doctrine rules every few years about dress codes, they had a lot of rules…like we weren’t allowed to play cards (even Go Fish) because that was considered gambling. So, it should come as no surprise that the only time you mentioned God was during prayer, Sunday school, bible study, or church, but to say, “Oh my God” or “For Jesus Sake” was taking the Lord’s name in vain. Oh and you can’t set anything on top of the bible…*rolls her cartoon eyes like Dusty.*
Now, I left that church a very very long time ago, but I can’t help but wonder how they reacted to the whole, “OMG!” Did they adjust their doctrine again? Did they yell at the kids the way they used to? Hell, are there even any kids still going to that church after they hit 13? Hardly was when I was a kid. Meh, I don’t care enough about the answer to that question to go check it out, I’ll tell you that much. Cuz, like, OMG, they totally think I’m like the fucking devil, right?”

omg

wearing:
hair: DOUX – Lee hairstyle
hair base: Just Magnetized РSpecial Hairbase set 05 for CATWA (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin:¬†[Avenge] Heather skin applier for Catwa ‚Äď pale (*new* @¬†SKIN FAIR)
eyeshadow: !IT! РFlirty By Day Eyeshadows 1 (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
lipstick: !IT! РVelvet Lipstick 8 (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)

tattoo:¬†…:::Savage:::… Ginkas Erotic Henna Tattoo 2¬†(*new* @¬†SKIN FAIR)

[Avenge] Bamboo earrings (*new* @ Limit8)
[Avenge] Bamboo necklace (*new* @ Limit8)
::SG:: Cart Claw BENTO MESH NAILS (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
ChicModa // Piper Shorts (*new* @ Cosmo)

pose: WHATEVER РWhat Size ?

Posted in Avenge, Catwa, Events, Exploration, Fashion, Gingerfish Poses, Jian, Maitreya, Mina Hair, Pale Girl Productions, Second Life, shopping, Skin Fair, {le fil casse}

Annie May? Ani Me? Ana Who?

We say, “Oh what a small world” when we run into a friend of a friend, but I think its a great¬† big world and a there’s a whole lot that I don’t know anything about…like anime. I think its cute. I can appreciate the artistic nature…a genre? I get the appeal, but it has never really kept my attention. That does not mean I can resist the appeal to play dress up! Just so happens, LootBox has quite a few items that are Asian themed this round. So, if you love the stuff, this round was made for you. If you’re like me and just like to play dress up, well….get your butt over there. Have fun!
I just decided to have a little fun of my own in a nifty little Asian market I discovered right outside of chill little club lost in a time warp. Of course, the slurl will be down in the credits.

ana who

wearing:
hair:  MINA РJennifer (*new* @ The Clique)
hair base: Just Magnetized РSpecial Hairbase set 05 for CATWA (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin:¬†[Avenge] Heather skin applier for Catwa ‚Äď Ivory (*new* @¬†SKIN FAIR)
~Shiny Stuffs~ Hella Good Lashes CATWA Appliers  (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
SU!– Oksana Eyeshadow +CATWA APPLIER+

Dahlia РClaire РHeadpiece (*new* @ The Clique)
Dahlia РClaire РEarrings  (*new* @ The Clique)

{le fil casse} Haruna Kimono Top Open Maitreya RARE (*new* @ LootBox)
{le fil casse} Haruna Tie Skirt Maitreya RARE (*new* @ LootBox)

JIAN Nimble Nekomata 16. White Outfit Floater (*new* @ LootBox)

pose:¬†GingerFish Poses – You Can’t Sit With Us set¬†(*new* @ The Clique)

location: Groove One