Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Legacy, Lelutka, Second Life, shopping, skin, The Liaison Collaborative

a glimpse into my BPD brain

Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes
So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.

9:24am
Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay
Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift
I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide
then after my shift, I passed the fuck out
and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt
Ghoulie: Jesus wammen
Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho
rofl
Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT
oh?
how’s that?
Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building
but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises
and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me
and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside
when it was over we went to target to buy candy
lmao
Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt
Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors
especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts
lmao
Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif)
Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car
Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay?
Sady: we’ll see
Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this”
Sady: RIGHT???
Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it
Sady: pretty much…lol

….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things

Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.

a glimpse into my BPD brain

hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88
head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5
eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
skin: PUMEC – Lillian

[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC
Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC
MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED
hive // cold brew coffee to go .
Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC

pose: an lar [poses] The Sandra Series @ TLC

TROPIX // Time Music BackDrop 01 @ Access

Posted in DOUX, Events, Fashion, Kustom9, Legacy, Lelutka, The Liaison Collaborative

They got me going blind

These brick walls are tumbling down
Hitting me on the head
My whole world is crumbling down
I don’t know how to act
I rode the wave ’till it crashed down
Maybe I should leave this sad town
I rode the wave ’till it crashed down
Nothing is holding me back now
And all these bright lights
They got me going blind
And all these bright lights
They got me losing my mind

They got me going blind

DOUX – Aluna hairstyle @ TresChic
LeLUTKA Lilly Head 2.5
[LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3)
— PUMEC – JADWIGA – LELUTKA x BOM

Izzie’s – Closed Eyes (LeLutka Evolution) @ TLC

(Yummy) Daisy Ring Collection @ C88
Apl,Blossom Monica @ TLC
Just BECAUSE Liz Skirt

pose: an lar [poses] The Kimberly Series @ TLC
MINIMAL – Light Room Backdrop -2- @ Kustom9

Posted in Bad Unicorn, Catwa, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Narcisse, Pale Girl Productions, Second Life, shopping, Skin Fair, [ATI] Addicted to Ink

Let’s Go Crazy

Sometimes the world just doesn’t make sense. I think it’s pretty clear that I’m not the picture of perfect mental health. I’m not sure there even is such a thing to be honest. Hell, mental health has been called all sorts of names throughout history.  Even the names of disorders change….what once was called manic depressive is not called bi-polar. Why? Why did they change the name? Manic depressive was spot on. I think everyone and anyone can catch that disorder on the right day or wrong day as the case might very well be.
Seriously, think about it for a minute.  You are having a great day. You slept great, you woke up right before your alarm went off. The weather is your favorite kind of day. Everything is going well. Catching all the green lights in traffic. Errands go great, you even saved some money unexpectedly. You come home, dinner is great….you slip into your favorite PJs…you’re set. You’re happy as you can be….then it happens. You get a tragic phone call. Something awful has happened to someone you love and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. You’re alone with this awful news. That’s going to be a helluva a mood swing, don’t you think?  Say the reverse happens. Whole day has been shit. Slept like shit, overslept, bad hair day, pouring down rain, you get stuck in traffic…you get home, burn dinner…then unexpectedly your best friend calls. She’s coming over and she’s bringing pizza. Your whole day just got better in an instant. Mood swing. *shrugs* Must be bi-polar.
Ever just felt so damn lazy, you just didn’t even want to get out of bed? Ever just want to stay in bed all weekend, veg out with the remote and some junk food? Ever just do it, cuz you want to? Well, you must be depressed, you can’t even drag your ass out of bed. I’m in no way minimizing any diagnosis. I’m more than fully aware that there are varying degrees of each legitimate disorder. I’m not even suggesting to know what is and isn’t legitimate….I’m not a psych-anything….well, maybe psycho, but that’s about where my expertise ends. I’m sure not yelling at Matt Lauder about how mental health is a hoax, while clearly proving that it is very real.
I’m just saying, that the world doesn’t always make sense. So, if you’re a little crazy…so what? Be crazy. Be you. Love drama? Do it up. Hate drama? Stay away from it. Wanna dance? Crank up the music and dance. Who cares? We all have to get through this thing called life one way or another…so if you’re not crazy….why not? C’mon, let’s all go crazy.

melting
Are we gonna let the elevator
Bring us down, oh, no let’s go
Let’s go crazy, let’s get nuts
Look for the purple banana
‘Til they put us in the truck, let’s go
All excited but we don’t know why
Maybe it’s ’cause we’re all gonna die
And when we do, what’s it all for
Better live now before the grim reaper
Come knocking on your door

wearing:
hair: tram H0210 hair
head: CATWA HEAD Lona
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
skin: LOTUS. Louise Skin Applier 04 (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
tattoo: [ATI] Simon.(*new* @ Elite)
EF: Springleaf Earrings (*new* @ FaMESHed)
EF: Springleaf Necklace (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Narcisse– Nelly Lace up Dress (*new* @ Kinky)

pose: [ Focus Poses ] Naughty Chair 2
[Bad Unicorn] 02 Hype-Beast Backdrop

LOTUS. Louise Skin (*new* @ SKIN FAIR)
:::insanya::: JennaShorts – Solid (*new* @ Whore Couture)
pose by an lar
Lotus