What’ll be will be What you say it always goes and in the end In the end you always get what you want Baby I try too much I’m living without your love again But I’ll never stop trying Well let me know If you would ever love me I can show The way your body should be, should be touched Should be held, let me watch your body melt into mine Down the line
hair: DOUX – Karol hairstyle @ Kustom9 head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 eyes: A R T E – Sweet Brown Eyes @ TLC body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Rika Skin [Lelutka EvoX] eyebrows: Glam Affair – Vip HD BROWS – Lelutka @ TLC Glam Affair – EVOX Smoky Makeup 01 B for FLF April 16, 2021
Baby (Baby) You’ve been so distant from me lately (Lately) And lately (And lately) Don’t even want to call you baby (Baby) Saw us getting older (Older) Burning toast in the toaster My ambitions were too high (High) Waiting up for you upstairs (Upstairs) Why you act like I’m not there? Baby, right now it feels like It feels like you don’t care Oh, why don’t you recognize I’m so rare? Always there You don’t do the same for me That’s not fairI don’t have it all I’m not claiming to But I know that I’m special (Special) Yeah And I’ll bet there’s somebody else out there To tell me I’m rare To make me feel rare
the more I get to know myself the less I understand myself I don’t know how to let go of this all weight I put on me of who I am or where I’ll be once I learn to let go always set my sights on diamonds in the future remember when you wanted what you got right now when I close my eyes and I’m all alone with my mind I get scared I’m unprepared and will be for the rest of my life but I’ve made it this far yeah I made it this far half way to falling apart but I’ve made it this far
hair: DOUX – Karol hairstyle @ Kustom9 head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 eyes: AG. Elegance Eyes (Arctic) @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Liv Skin [Lelutka EvoX] @ Kustom9 tattoo: [Addicted To Ink] Heather…
^^Swallow^^ Earrings H01 for lel Evo X Human Ears @ Kustom9 (Yummy) Bella Tennis Necklace Set @ Kustom9 (necklace & hoop earrings) [ kunst ] – Nose Plaster RE Sublime Nose Piercing N9 -SU!- Almond Nails (Yummy) Spring Butterfly Ring Collection @ C88
Everything I ever knew came from you Everything I wanna be, that’s in me That comes from me Open up your fist and let me out I was made to run around And let me feel the air beneath my feet Let me go And I know not everybody gets a new life And I know not everybody gets to start over again But I do know what I’m doing with my new life I’ll build it up, break it down, build it up Build it up, break it down Build it up, break it down You can fly away too, that’s on you But don’t tell me what I cannot do I can tie on my shoes and put on my coat I’m living a history, the one that I wrote
hair: [monso] Kaine Hair @ C88 head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 @ Skin Fair body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Rika Skin [Lelutka EvoX] @ Skin Fair Glam Affair – New Body Line RE Sublime Nose Piercing N9
Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.
9:24am Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide then after my shift, I passed the fuck out and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt Ghoulie: Jesus wammen Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho rofl Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT oh? how’s that? Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside when it was over we went to target to buy candy lmao Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts lmao Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif) Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay? Sady: we’ll see Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this” Sady: RIGHT??? Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it Sady: pretty much…lol
….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things
Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.
hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88 head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED hive // cold brew coffee to go . Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC
If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same The world is spinning but only in gray If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same The world is spinning but only in gray Somebody shine a light I’m frozen by the fear in me Somebody make me feel alive And shatter me So cut me from the line Dizzy, spinning endlessly Somebody make me feel alive And shatter me
hair: Stealthic – Searching @ Access head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian tattoo: Juna: Madeleine tattoo @ The Liaison Collaborative
“She was perfect, pure maddening sex, and she knew it, and she played on it, dripped it, and allowed you to suffer for it.” ― Charles Bukowski, Factotum
I was hanging out with my amazing friends, Maria & Jason, when I got my hands on these gorgeous new sphynx cats from Rezz Room. I was squealing with delight, because…well…CATS! Jason started laughing and then predicted that I would be doing a post with a lot of cats. Started calling me the cat lady. So, in order to prove him wrong, I limited myself to only three. See? I have some self control, Jason! *laughs*
I am so very blessed to have these two amazing people in my life. So, I want to make sure they know how much I appreciate them both. ♥
hair: Tableau Vivant // Vale hair @ Kustom9 head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
(Yummy) Poppet Ring Collection @ C88 Seniha. Jackie Set @ Access Seniha. Jackie Sweater Seniha. Jackie Top Seniha. Jackie Pants friday – Esme Sneakers @ C88
Soul2Soul. Moritz Bronze Sculpture @ TLC Soul2Soul. Moritz Books @ TLC Soul2Soul. Moritz Coffee Table -Fatpack @ TLC Soul2Soul. Moritz Bronze Wall Art (Bonus) @ TLC
Apple Fall Chamise Occasional Table – Aged Oak Apple Fall Pampas Grass Apple Fall Bohemian Coffee Press (Group Gift) Apple Fall Latte Decor (Group Gift)
I am so impulsive to a fault I want the opposite of what I got The second I get bored, I switch it up Makin’ bad decisions, based on temporary thoughts I know they say there’s greener grass For me it’s never about that The second I get bored, I switch it up Makin’ bad decisions, based on temporary thoughts My favorite hobby, self-sabotage Can’t never seem to make my mind up Change my opinion more than my socks Let me tell you about the time I took my friend out the friend zone ‘Cause I felt so sad, sleepin’ alone Then I put him right back, just like that ‘Cause I missed bein’ by myself
hair: Stealthic – Searching @ Access head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian *NEW*
Orsini Jewelry CAMILLE Set Jewely @ Access (Yummy) Poppet Ring Collection @ C88 Cynful Amour Babydoll @ Equal10
pose: :LW: Bento Poses – Breakfast in Bed, mirror
KraftWork French Wall Panels @ The Liaison Collaborative KraftWork Canopy Linen Bed KraftWork Breakfast in Bed . Rustic KraftWork Montmartre Dining Set . Candle Short
Atelier Burgundy + KraftWork Tate Set . Wide Square Rug
All day starin’ at the ceilin’ makin’ Friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices tellin’ me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for somethin’ Hold on, feelin’ like I’m headed for a breakdown And I don’t know why But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell I know, right now you can’t tell But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see A different side of me I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired I know, right now you don’t care But soon enough you’re gonna think of me And how I used to be, me I’m talkin’ to myself in public, dodging glances on the train And I know, I know they’ve all been talkin’ about me I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think There must be somethin’ wrong with me Out of all the hours thinkin’, somehow I’ve lost my mind
