Today went really well I didn’t wake up in a panic spell It was fine, even though I fell Deeper and deeper in a manic hell Whoa, I’m living and I’m dreaming Trying to stay even, oh Whoa, I’m training for no reason Apologize, no feelings, oh No, I don’t need your help To make me sick, to make me ill I don’t need anybody else ‘Cause I can break my heart myself I don’t need your help Getting off of this carousel I don’t need anybody else ‘Cause I can break my heart myself
(Yummy) Layered Rose Necklace @ Kustom9 (Yummy) Plumage Ring Set @ C88 EQUAL – Rose Nails French @ Access MVT – Rich bitch wallet – Rose @ Equal10 purse: [DDL] Fearless @ Access Just BECAUSE Kyrene Dress – TSS May 8, 2021
Drive through the street with your eyes closed Trip on the stick where the wind blows So out of reach but it looks close Don’t assume what you don’t Know You act real hot but you’re still cold You wanna be rich with a Lambo So out of reach but it looks so close Red light but you still go You can walk around the entire world But you still end up with what you started with first Spit out money and you offer out lures Get the girl but it wasn’t the cure
I have been sick af the last couple of days. A lot of my symptoms could easily be stress related…like IBD & Fibromyalgia. Both have been flaring up, which in turns affects other issues, like back pain and headaches. However, I’ve spent a good amount of time in bed, mostly because I have no choice, and I’m trying very hard to reduce my stress. Honestly, I don’t feel that stressed. I know I have a lot on my plate, but I don’t feel stressed. I feel like I have things under control. So, I’m not sure what’s going on. Perhaps it’s something else entirely. Perhaps it’s some sense of impending doom lingering in the back of my mind somewhere, because I still struggle with the concept of being content, happy, and actually loving myself. Thanks to not having insurance and living in the great U.S. of A…I’m just going to need to suffer through whatever it is. In the meantime, I’ll be doing my best to carry on.
hair: DOUX – Chi hairstyle head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Mia Skin [Lelutka EvoX] @ C88
NaaNaa’s Sama Necklace @ FaMESHed e.marie // Erika Bracelet (Yummy) Plumage Ring Set @ C88 LOTUS. Chrome Nails 01 @ Access Seniha. Kim Top @ FaMESHed Seniha. Kim Joggers @ FaMESHed
‘Cause I’m my own soulmate (Yeah, yeah) I know how to love me (Love me) I know that I’m always gonna hold me down Yeah, I’m my own soulmate (Yeah, yeah) No, I’m never lonely (Lonely) I know I’m a queen but I don’t need no crown Look up in the mirror like damn she the one One, one, one, one, one, one (The one) Like damn she the one One, one, one (The one) That bitch in the mirror like yeah, I’m in love Love, love, love, love, love, love (In love) Like yeah, I’m in love Love, love, love (In love) Look up in the mirror like damn she the one And she never tell me to exercise We always get extra fries And you know the sex is fire And I gotta testify I get flowers every Sunday I’mma marry me one day True love ain’t something you can buy yourself True love finally happens when you by yourself So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself Another round from the bottle on the higher shelf
**special thanks to my wifey, Ghoulie Waffles, for introducing me to this song**
Writing when I’m content or happy has always been a struggle for me. I used to write poetry daily. It’s as if the concept of being content or happy is so foreign to me that I can’t properly describe it. I think that’s a common thread amongst artists. The songs that move us the most are the sad songs. The art that moves us the most, tend to be that that makes us uncomfortable or stirs a strong emotion from within. What is stronger than pain? So, here I am trying to find the words to express that I’m in a pretty good place at the moment. Perhaps the biggest part of that is my perception, but whatever it is…I don’t want to only write about the bad times and bad feels anymore. The world doesn’t need more pain or misery, we all need to know there is goodness out there and how to achieve it, even if our dreams never came true.
NaaNaa’s Sama Necklace @ FaMESHed (Yummy) Plumage Ring Set @ C88 LOTUS. Wings Nails 11 (Legacy) RARE @ Equal10 Tentacio Funny life Planning life pink Tentacio Funny life Mom call me BUENO-Geena Tops @ C88
I haven’t been feeling much like myself the last couple of days, but before that I was so busy I didn’t have time to think. Now that things have slowed down just a bit, I feel rather lost and not quite sure what to do with myself. I did take some time away from the pc yesterday. Did some reading and just relaxing. I was hoping to sit out on my patio, but its been just a bit too chilly and everything is wet from the recent rains. So, I curled up in bed with my book instead. Not a lot going on at the moment, but I swear if I’m not balls to the wall busy…I just feel lost. However, its Monday, so I’ve hit the ground running this morning and I’m off to conquer a new week!
Why do I sabotage everything I love? It’s always beautiful until I fuck it up Tell myself I’m safe and lonely With nobody else to break my heart Even though I know you’d never I’m my own worst enemy and think you are Matches in my back pocket I’m the queen of burning bridges I will only let you down Why do I sabotage everything I love? It’s always beautiful until I fuck it up Why do I sabotage everything I love? The walls are closing in because I built them up Why can’t I let myself be happy? (Ooh) Why do I gotta get in my own way? (Ooh) My shoes are worn out, always runnin’ From the reasons that I really wanna stay
Friends come and go, friends come and go Go like the seasons I never know, I never know what to believe in And it’s getting old, it’s getting old But no hard feelings ‘Cause friends come and go, friends come and go without a reason And I, I’ve been in L.A. for way too long Can’t get this air inside my lungs It feels like I’m suffocatin’ from all the lack of the realness here Is there anybody real out here? Got my middle, middle up while I’m singing Fuck fake friends, we don’t need ’em Only thing they’re good for is leaving Fuck fake friends, we don’t need ’em I’ve had it up to the ceiling Fuck fake friends, we don’t need ’em Only thing they’re good for is leaving And I ain’t got the time, money on my mind (yeah) I’ll say it to your face, fuck fake friends
hair: DOUX – Lia hairstyle @ TresChic head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 eyes: A R T E – Sweet Brown Eyes @ TLC body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Rika Skin [Lelutka EvoX] eyebrows: Glam Affair – Vip HD BROWS – Lelutka @ TLC Glam Affair – EVOX Smoky Makeup 01 B for FLF April 16, 2021
[ rD ] – Hydra Set @ TLC (choker & earrings) ^^Swallow^^ Earrings H01/E01 for lel Evo X Ears @ Kustom9 (Yummy) Spring Butterfly Ring Collection @ C88 Cynful Savi Leather Top + Savi Leather Shorts @ Equal10 [BREATHE]-Konoka Heels @ Epiphany
What’ll be will be What you say it always goes and in the end In the end you always get what you want Baby I try too much I’m living without your love again But I’ll never stop trying Well let me know If you would ever love me I can show The way your body should be, should be touched Should be held, let me watch your body melt into mine Down the line
hair: DOUX – Karol hairstyle @ Kustom9 head: LeLUTKA Avalon Head 3.0 eyes: A R T E – Sweet Brown Eyes @ TLC body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Perky Edition (1.4) skin: [Glam Affair] Rika Skin [Lelutka EvoX] eyebrows: Glam Affair – Vip HD BROWS – Lelutka @ TLC Glam Affair – EVOX Smoky Makeup 01 B for FLF April 16, 2021
Don’t say that I should know better No shame, messed up, broken mirror Don’t know why I’m drawn to fear Hm
Walking downtown, smiling stranger Light up, burnt out, thought I knew ya I’ll pretend I don’t see through ya Hm
Off the safety, I shoot the gun and I, and I, and I go again Off the rails and I’m on the run and here, here, here we go again Flip the switch and I’m in the mode, but I’m in control Just so you know. And I, and I go again
Dark night, bright light, self-destruction Blow my phone up, your obsession I don’t need another lesson Hm
It won’t kill me Treading lightly Please don’t hate me Smarter than you think
Kibitz – Felicity’s necklace @ Equal10 (Yummy) Spring Butterfly Ring Collection @ C88 Tentacio I miss you bouquet @ Kustom9 Sweet Art – Cute Bag @ Equal10 Just BECAUSE Elizabeth Bralette Just BECAUSE Elizabeth Pants
pose: – Sweet Art – Rubi Bento Poses @ Equal10 **altered cuz of the things I’m holding**