Posted in Catwa, Cynful, Death Row Designs, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Gingerfish Poses, Glam Affair, Maitreya, Second Life, Self Reflection, shopping

The Devil and Me

When I was a little girl, I used to ask my mom questions about the devil all the time. A bit of foreshadowing in real life, perhaps? To be fair, I think my curiosity was stirred up by foods. My parents had a fondness for deviled ham and it came in this little can that was wrapped in paper. On that paper was the iconic symbol of a devil. Red, pointy tail, hooves…not greatly detailed, just a bit of clip art before that was really a thing. There was also devil’s food cake which was amazing and compared to angel’s food cake…I found the devil to be the better cook. My mom would also make comments to about the cats having the devil in them when they were especially mischievous, energetic, or loud. As an only child, I love the cats the most when they were active, so again, I had this positive connection to the devil. The funny thing is, I remember asking my mom to tell me all about the devil, but for the life of me, I cannot remember anything she would say. I’m guessing she probably changed the subject and tried to steer my attention to Jesus or angels. Those topics just always put me right to sleep. I’m quite sure if my mom was to look back on my early childhood she was say there were a lot of clues about what was to come. *grins*

ga gf cx
Why be a Redangel, when you can be a RedDevil, Tracy?

hair: #2 DOUX – Summer Night Hairstyle RARE
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Mineko – Catwa Applier 007 – 05 @ Arcade
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
body:  Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

[CX] Kishin Bindi @ Panic of the Pumpkin in Okinowa
Cynful Diamond – Choker
Cynful Diamond – Bracelets
[ Conviction ] The Claws V.2 – Matte Ombre
neve intimates – form @ FaMESHed X

GingerFish Poses – Bedeviled @ Pose Fair

12 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Throne Altar
11 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Throne
.BIRCH Pentagram Inverted Torches

 

Posted in Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Prism Events, Salem, Second Life, Self Reflection

Positive Direction

So, if you’ve read my blog regularly in the past couple of years, you probably know how dark things got for me. How deep in a hole of depression I was sinking and that I felt hopeless to do anything about it. However, recently, I have turned a page. I have found hope for the first time in many years. If it was not for the amazing friends that I have in Second Life, I honestly don’t think I’d be alive today. There were so many times that I wanted to give up, but thanks to an incredible support system I am still here and I am moving forward in the most positive direction I’ve taken in many years. The road ahead is not an easy one, but I have not come all this way, through all this crap, to give up now.

salem addams ga

hair: Magika – Irene
head: LeLutka Bento Head-KORINA
body: -Belleza- Freya
skin: [Glam Affair] Gabbi [ Lelutka ] @ C88

Izzie’s – Whiskey Eyes (lights)
Izzie’s – Festive Shimmer Eye Make-Up
Izzie’s – Glossy Lipstick (LeLutka)
Ascendant – Make Me Melt Nails @ Kinky

Kaithleen’s Rollneck Sweater @ Salem
Addams // Mackenzi Rolled Jeans

pose by Ana Poses
location:  { Corruption }

Posted in Catwa, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Second Life, Self Reflection, shopping, Uber SL, vinyl

Ugh!

Some days from start to finish are just bad. I suppose I’d prefer all the bad to happen in one day to get it over with, but when the bad is sprinkled throughout all my days and ends up being the icing on a good day? Well, its like someone shitting on the last piece of cake. I swear to god, nothing ruins a good day worse than that one bad thing that just crushes my heart right at the end of the day when you were looking forward to something good!
Like looking forward to spending time with someone all day just so they can leave you hanging to go talk to an ex? Ugh! It’s the worst, right? Of course, its not really the worst, but at the moment it’s happening, it feels like a punch in the gut. Or looking forward to having those leftovers from last night when you get home, only to discover someone threw them out. They didn’t even eat them, they just wasted them by throwing them away! UGH! Your mouth was all set for that…NOW what are you gonna eat? Nothing is going to be as good as what you were craving all day long. Nothing.
So, do we go to bed with the bitterness of the bad day still in our mouths? We shouldn’t, cuz imagine how bad that’s gonna taste when we wake up? That cat better watch out, cuz someone is going to suspect it of shitting in their mouth! So, how do we fix it? How do we freshen our mental breath?
We could act out. We could do something reckless that will feel fully justified at the time, but will fill us with regret later. We could sit and cry about it, but does that really change anything? I mean, sometimes it helps a little, but its not going to change how we feel. The truth is, the only real thing to do is to change our minds. Maybe that crappy thing happened for a reason. We may never even know the reason, but we can change our perception and accept that it has happened for a reason. Maybe its a red flag trying to get our attention. Maybe we needed to make a better choice and this tiny bit of intervention was just the thing we needed to really think about our decision.
If none of that works, then a glass of wine, a shot of whiskey, smoking a bowl/joint/blunt, or even popping a xanax/valium/klonopin can helps us relax enough to chill out. Cuz really, if its a small thing like one of the things I mentioned above? Isn’t that kind of petty when it comes to the big picture?
We just gotta get over our expectations and accept that some times things aren’t going to go exactly as we hoped. It doesn’t mean the world is over….and who knows, we might just get a blessing soon that surpasses that pesky crap that we gave the power to ruin our day. Yeah, bottom line? We give that crap the power it has…take that power away…step outside ourselves to see things with a different perspective and suddenly it doesn’t feel quite so deep.

vinyl dress uber

head: Catwa Catya
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara

DOUX – Selena hairstyle
VINYL – Mabel Lace Dress @ Uber

pose: FOXCITY. Carefree Bento Pose Set

Posted in Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Maitreya, Second Life, Self Reflection, shoes, shopping

Cutting back

Cutting back on the number of stores that I officially blog for is one of the hardest things for me to do. Choosing which stores to stay with and which to let go of can simply do my head in, but its part of what I have to do if I am to remain a responsible blogger. It’s my duty to do my best for each brand I represent and the minute I know that is no longer possible, I have to face the truth and cut them loose. It’s heartbreaking to say the least. Especially when I have been with a brand from the beginning. However, as I continue along my blogging journey I evolve just like everyone else. My tastes change, my style changes, my feelings change and thus my blog changes, as well as my photos.
The important thing for me to remember is why I blog in the first place. I blog for me, first and foremost. I blog for the therapeutic value and the creative outlet. The past few months, I’ve discovered that’s all I do. I log in to SL simply to blog and I work. I love both, but there has to be more. SL is not a job, nor do I ever want it to feel like one. I love the jobs I have and I love my blog. I love the stores that I represent and those I’ve had to part ways with over time. I have never blogged for a store that I didn’t believe in nor will I.
It’s time for me to find room for more than blogging and work in my Second Life. That’s why I had to resign my position from a total of 9 stores and events this past weekend. *sighs* I only hope the brands know how difficult the decision was and that I will always be grateful for the opportunities afforded me while blogging for them.

kuni wicca meva cult

head: GENUS Project – Baby Face
SU!– Piercing Set 01
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara
skin: [Glam Affair] Kleo @ Access

KUNI – Hera @ Equal10
Meva Katrin Collar @ ROMP
Meva Katrin Bracelets @ ROMP
Meva Katrin Dress @ ROMP
: CULT : Cristel Stud Heels @ Belle

:: Focus Poses Sexy Pouf ::

Posted in Events, Landscaping, Second Life, Self Reflection, shopping, unKindness

Checking Out

Sometimes I really surprise myself at how stupid I can be. (Stop growling, Troy!) Regardless of all my experiences, I can still be so ridiculously naive, that it takes a close friend to point out something that should be blatantly obvious to me. Okay, short story, even shorter, I let someone I had just met disrespect me and essentially assault me. Yet, somehow, my shock exceeded all logic.
Not so long ago, I would have read that person like a book. I would’ve come so unglued on his ass that there would be no question about how I felt about it all. My reaction would have been instantaneous and rightfully so. Then I would have blasted his ass on Facebook and warned every girl I know!
It’s as if my common sense has begun to decay, like this shanty town in the photo. I’m starting to feel like a spectator of my own life. Rarely playing an active role in what happens to me. The last month and a half have been absolutely insane. My heart got ripped out of my chest and shoved through a meat grinder. I had two separate leaks happening in my RL home at the same time. All of this has led me to make a series of bad decisions one after another.  I am NOT a doormat. I need to remember this, because even two years ago I stood up for myself and demanded more respect. This cannot continue. As appealing as it sounds, I can’t just check out. Mine is a life worth living and that means treating myself as good, if not better, than I want to be treated by others.
I realize I’m rambling and this probably makes little to no sense to anyone really.  Yet, there is it…a raw look at my stupidity, my emotions, and my thoughts. With that said, I’m going to sleep…I wish you all the sweetest of dreams when you next go. ♥

ShantyTown

Everything you see here is from unKindness
*except the rocks which are: :Fanatik Architecture: CLIFF COVERS Beach

Below is a list of everything by order of the sets they belong to:
uk – Shanty Church House Gacha – (*new* @ Gacha Guardians)
-uK – Shanty Church House Pray Billboard GoG
-uK – Shanty Church House Building RARE
-uK – Shanty Church House Hymn Board

uK -In the Bayou Gacha
-uK- In the Bayou Swamp Shack RARE

uk – End Times Photo Prop I&II – (*new* @ ManCave)
uK – End Times Billboard Photo Prop
uK – End Times II Billboard Photo Prop

uk – Shanty Repair Shop Gacha
-uK-SRS Ice Freezer
-uK-SRS Barrel Mess 1
-uK-SRS Shanty Repair Shop RARE
uK-SRS Always Open RARE
uK-SRS Barrel Mess 2

uK -In the Bayou Gacha
-uK- In the Bayou Junk Pile1
-uK- In the Bayou Common Shack
-uK- In the Bayou Junk Pile 3
uK- In the Bayou Junk Pile 2

Posted in FaMESHed, Fancy Decor, Home Decor, Second Life, Self Reflection, shopping

A Day In The Life

Another topic submitted to my post, “Dangerous Proposition” in which I asked my readers for topics and/or questions. This has really been so much fun, I really wish more people would challenge me as I’m almost to the end of the topics that have been submitted so far. Today, I’m taking on Isabelle Cheren’s request, “Hmmm how about the day in the life of … you. If you could.” I did ask her if she meant SL or RL, as honestly, I think SL might be slightly more interesting. Although, I’m really not sure. So, I’m going to combine the two, I guess. My life gets hectic, but its not really exciting. *laughs*
A typical day, involves me prying my eyelids open far too early, stagger to the bathroom and grumble about my pain. From there, I drag my ass to the kitchen for life saving nectar of the coffee gods. Upon retrieving the nectar, I slip into my grand office and solve the world’s problems! (Ok, my little world…my tee niney lil world)
Then I humbly do my superior blogging stuffs! Publish a blog posts, do the flickr deal, file reports, which leads me to checking reports. As I’m also a blog boss for three amazing stores. (This is my favorite part of the day…*nods*…I’m serious!)
Then there’s all this real world stuff that I gotta do. *scrunches up her nose* Ya know, eat, shit, shower, walk the dog, clean stuff or hide it. *laughs* Then I’m in SL, I check all the notices…answer offline IMs. While I wait for some inspiration for a picture, I will check my emails, read other blogs, peruse Flickr, and search the online sites for a desperately needed job in RL.  Throughout the day, I go back and forth between RL and SL cuz squirrels!!! As I write this, I’m saddened by how boring my life sounds, but I really tried to juice it up with some adjectives. I might seem boring, but I’m fancy! Oddly enough I am NEVER bored! So, my day goes on like that until Josh logs on and then I dive into mushville until he logs out. Eventually I go to bed and TRY to sleep. *laughs* So, there ya go, Isabelle, not sure that’s really what you were hoping for, but I sadly don’t have an exciting daily life.

the pit

Fancy Decor: Miles Collection (*NEW* @ ARCADE)
01 Fancy Decor: Miles Bed RARE
02 Fancy Decor: Armoire RARE
03 Fancy Decor: Miles Side Table
04 Fancy Decor: Modern Chest
05 Fancy Decor: Radiator Console
06 Fancy Decor: Hammered Mirror
07 Fancy Decor: Glass Lamp
08 Fancy Decor: Claw Lamp
09 Fancy Decor: Metal Sculpture
10 Fancy Decor: Miles Rug
11 Fancy Decor: Inky Artwork
12 Fancy Decor: Travel Clock
13 Fancy Decor: Catch-All
14 Fancy Decor: B&W Art
15 Fancy Decor: Arrow Curtains
16 Fancy Decor: Open Magazine
17 Fancy Decor: Miles Slippers

.{PSYCHO:Byts}.Young Pitbulls – Battle gray
David Heather-Chic Pussy/Grey Accessories
*SL* Ewok Lance – Sweet Lies Original 3 COMMON

striped mocha – hanging lotuses – purple

Di’Cor Rayon Statue (*new* @ FaMESHed)

dust bunny . pilea peper plant
dust bunny . potted bromeliad
dust bunny . potted palm
dust bunny . pink medinilla plant

 

Posted in Blueberry, Events, FaMESHed, Fashion, Phedora, pr!tty, Second Life, Self Reflection, shoes, shopping

Another Year Older

It’s my birthday and despite all the terrible things that have happened in my life in the month of October over the years, it remains my favorite month of the year and I still get excited about my birthday. I remember my mother when she was my age and how with each year she got more and more bitter until she hit 60 and quit caring. For me, its just about that one day of the year that’s just supposed to be a great day. From start to finish. I am the QUEEN for one day of the year and this is it! It doesn’t hurt that I absolutely love skulls, ravens, and crows. As it makes me easy to shop for and I’m super appreciative of thoughtful gifts. (Keyword there was thoughtful.)
I already know this is going to be a great day, despite the fact that I’m awake at 2am writing my blog. I’ve been blessed the past couple of weeks with some amazing surprises from Josh and Grace with the promise of another amazing gift coming my way from Rebel. And although, I’m not wearing them in this photo, I received the most incredible gift from Cynthia from Cynful…a pair of jeans named after me. It was just last year that she and I were introduced at my surprise birthday party. It was also that day that she agreed to take me on as a blogger for three months as a favor to my broface, Luis. Since then I’ve taken on more than a blogger role with Cynful and I now consider Cynthia a real friend, even if she is a mean ole German who won’t tell me stuff! *giggles* She’s actually amazing.
This past year has been filled with ups and downs, but mostly ups and I am confident that this next year will be no different. Things are going well for me these days and I’m happy in almost every area of my life. I can say that my Second Life has never been better. I have the most amazing friends and I don’t just mean my cunts (Kess, Tracy, and GraceFace). It goes much deeper than that. There are not enough pics in my profile to brag or touch on them all, nor is even one blog post enough to dedicate to each one of them. I am truly THAT blessed! My birthday wish this year is no secret and its not even for me, despite this being a Blueberry post….hint hint…*eyes Sofia and Blue*…my wish this year is for all of you. It is my wish that this next year is as full of love and laughter as mine has been and continues to be, for there’s no better gift than love and laughter as far as I’m concerned. (Although, my friends have sure given me some pretty fucking amazing presents!) So, happy Friday to you all and given that my birthday is on a Friday this year, that means NEXT Friday is a 13th! Another lucky day for me!!

pretty in pink

wearing:
hair:  pr!tty  – Purrs – [All Color Huds] ULTRARARE (*new* @ Gacha Guardians)
head: CATWA HEAD Tala
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
Dahlia – Abeille – Necklace (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Dahlia – Abeille – Ring (*new* @ FaMESHed)
Blueberry – Kimi Jacket
Blueberry – Kimi Skirt
Phedora ~ Anemoni heels (*new* @ FaMESHed)

pose: FOXCITY.  On Point Bento Pose Set
anxiety %2200 (*new* @ Industrie)

 

Posted in Bueno, Second Life, Self Reflection, shoes, shopping, Uber SL, unKindness

Keep Shining

I’ve always wondered why it is that we remember the hurtful things that people have said about or to us more than the nice things. I understand why we remember the horrible things done to us, because it leaves scars. Yet, we’re told as early as preschool that stick and stones will break out bones, but words will never hurt us. That’s the biggest lie they tell us, isn’t it? Words can hurt like hell. Maybe that’s why we remember it. It may not scar, but it fucking hurts. Sure we remember momentous happy occasions, like the birth of a child, a wedding day, graduations…some of us even remember the minute details of the day we met someone special. However, we’re also more apt to remember the exact day of someone’s death, divorce, losing a job, etc.
I know I’m not the only one that has to be told to keep shining, no matter who tries to dim my light. So, why is that so hard? Why do we thrust ourselves into the pain of what may have been said behind our backs? Why do we put so much stock in the opinions of people who do not really matter all that much to us?
I had a friend once that used to tell me the reason why even straight girls always loved her butch lesbian self, was because she would find something to compliment them about every time she saw them. Imagine if we all did that. If every person we encountered throughout our day received a compliment of some sort. I like you hair. I love that top. Those shoes are cute! What a cute laugh you have! If we all did that to each other, I think it would be a lot easier for all of us to keep shining. So, I challenge you all to compliment at least ten people today and tell me how it goes. If I don’t get too scatter brained, I’ll come and tell you how it went for me.

cowgirl

wearing:
hair: TRUTH Montana
head: CATWA HEAD Tala
body: Maitreya Mesh Body
BUENO – Cheeky Outfit (*new* @ Uber)
BUENO-Pappos Flats (*new* @ Shoetopia)

pose created wtih AnyPose

uK – Old West Barber Front
uK – Raven Creek Hillbilly Jug

Posted in Events, Fashion, Kustom9, ON9, Phedora, Second Life, Self Reflection, shoes, shopping, {le fil casse}

Do Not Be Afraid

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”
― Plato

Wow, it has been quite a while since I started post with a quote. Of course, one is never quite sure what they will find when they go to read my blog. Perhaps a song, a story, a poem, a rant, or like today… some thoughts with a hopefully a sprinkle of wisdom. This particular quote hits home, because I look back at my life and see exactly where fear of success derailed my life over and over again. Failure? Nah, I’m good at that. My entire childhood was an education on how I would never be good enough for more than pleasing a man. My mother taught me to surrender to a man’s will. She was old fashioned and believed in standing by even the most monstrous of men. She preferred the comfort of denial that lies created for her. Looking back, I can see so clearly that she’s never been a fan of truth. Even the simplest of stories are exaggerated for no other reason that her apparent allergy to honesty. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I’d be lost without her, but that doesn’t make her perfect.  My father on the other hand, perversely manipulative and abusive in every sense of the word. Though he told me repeatedly I’d be a whore and a slut in high school, I rarely dated at all and did not lose my virginity until I was 19. Years later when I proudly told him that he was wrong and how I had waited, he smirked and said that was his plan all along. For he knew I was defiant by nature and would prove him wrong. I know now, that was simply more of his manipulation. I think fewer things brought him more joy than messing with my head.

You may be wondering, what all of this has to do with the quote. It’s simple really. If we are taught to fear everything…if we are sheltered from the truth…fear will easily control our life and limit us in ways we never imagined until it is genuinely too late. Living behind a closed door or in the shadows can be so comforting. We cannot get burned by a light we never see, but the truth is in the light. Until we release ourselves from the shadows of fears, both real and imagined, we can never be free. For it is the truth that sets us free and that truth does not hide in the dark, it is us that choose to stay in the dark.

I have often said that I would rather be hurt by the truth than comforted with a lie. The older I get the more I stand by that statement. Do not be afraid of the light just because you outgrew your fear of the dark.

behind the door

wearing:
hair:  [RA] Sherazade Hair (*new* @ Enchantment)
head: CATWA HEAD Tala
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara

{le fil casse}  Madison Dress (*new* @ Whimsical)
Phedora ~Zaidee Platforms (*new* @ Kustom9)

pose: FOXCITY. Cute But Psycho Bento Pose Set (*new* @ ON9)
**slightly edited with AnyPose
taikou / dusk backdrop with materials (*new* @ Kustom9)

Posted in Events, Fashion, N21, Pretty Mess, Second Life, Self Reflection, shopping

Just Be

Yesterday was a bad day. Nothing in particular happened, it was just one of those days where I felt like I had no people skills. My mind was cloudy. I hard a really hard time just thinking about anything that wasn’t laid out in front of me in black and white. I wanted to stay in bed more than anything. To hide under the covers from the world. I did not care about the eclipse, but felt like I should. I just didn’t.
I’m quite fortunate that Josh understands me better than most and understood that I just needed to be. Simply be. We watched some Netflix together, a comedy and we laughed. We didn’t talk much, but we shared time together and he let me be myself.  A few of my friends understood, Rebel even suggested it might be hormones at that’s certainly a possibility. She sent me the link to one of my favorite bad mood songs and that made me grin. I think only three people were aware of how I was feeling and all three were very compassionate.
It wasn’t one of those situations that could be fixed and they knew that. They knew I simply needed to just be. I suppose that might not make sense to some, but for I do believe we all have days like that. We just wake up on the wrong side of the proverbial bed and want more than anything to lash out or be left alone. I knew if I was forced to interact with too many people yesterday I would end up saying or doing something I’d later regret. I went to bed quite early, which led me to wake up too soon. I lied there in my bed thinking how I could make sure today would be different and I just decided that it will be. I cannot suffer another day like yesterday. It felt ridiculous to be so seemingly angry for no apparent reason. Today, I will have a good day if it kills me. *thinks for a minute and grins* Or perhaps kills someone else. *smirks*

Free of Resentment

wearing:
hair: tram G0728 hair / FATPACK+HeadbandHUD UltraRARE (*new* @ PocketGacha)
head: CATWA HEAD Tala
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1
tattoo: *Moon Tattoo* LARGE LOTUS

-SU!- Bento Piercing Set 03
EarthStones Tania Belly Ring

Pretty Mess – qt bb Sweater  (*new* @ N21)
.::Dead Dollz::. Erzbetha Skirt (*new* @ N21)

pose by Foxcity