There is an illusion about America, a myth about America to which we are clinging which has nothing to do with the lives we lead and I don’t believe that anybody in this country who has really thought about it or really almost anybody who has been brought up against it — and almost all of us have one way or another — this collision between one’s image of oneself and what one actually is is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it, you can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish. -James Baldwin
hair: DOUX – Vanilla hairstyle @ Uber head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
Ok, so this is a bit off and has absolutely nothing to do with the photo, but since I am prone to sharing my real life or lackthereof here, I figure I might as well share this, too. However, this could be a trigger for some. If you are easily triggered by suicide topics, please have someone else read it first to determine whether or not you should. I’m doing this for me. These are my reasons: 1. to hold myself accountable 2. cuz I think the convo is cute 3. cuz it shows how quickly my state of mind changes So, what I’m going to do is just copy a conversation between myself and my wifey, Ghoulina Waffles, cuz it pretty much sums things up. Please don’t go nuts and call for welfare checks, I’m fine and I have an appt with my therapist in the morning.
9:24am Ghoulie: Hope your stint at XXXXXX went okay Sady: girl, I couldn’t sleep before my shift I just laid in bed for hours contemplating suicide then after my shift, I passed the fuck out and had a nightmare about a failed suicide attempt Ghoulie: Jesus wammen Sady: was a rad attempt fail tho rofl Ghoulie: you are not allowed to think of suicide when your wifey is this pretty https://flic.kr/p/2kENqCT oh? how’s that? Sady: oooh, I tried to race my car into a busy intersection, but ended up launching my car over it instead, but also flipping it mid way so I was over the intersection upside down screaming “fuck yeah” out the window before turning right side up and crashing into a building but in my dream, my car was so sturdy it protected me, so I just had a concussion some scratches and bruises and a bunch of teenagers decided I was a worthy cause and all came to visit me and then it was kinda over and a giant storm came and mom was passed out on the couch so I sat and watched this amazing storm outside when it was over we went to target to buy candy lmao Ghoulie: WTF, so, you had an action film for a suicide attempt Sady: ooh and at the store there were all these candy bar flavored pop tart bites….they were new and I was mad that they didn’t have a grab bag with all the flavors especially since I didn’t want a whole bag of milky way pop tarts lmao Ghoulie: I like you, but you’re crazy (said with a gif) Sady: note to self, do not use car in suicide attempt, cuz if it fails, you only killed your car Ghoulie: No suicide attempts, okay? Sady: we’ll see Ghoulie: your body is already like evil hands rubbing together “Teeheehee we got this” Sady: RIGHT??? Ghoulie: it’s like surprise suicide, you just can’t plan it Sady: pretty much…lol
….then we trailed off to discuss our new Linden Labs stilt homes and other things
Again, I repeat, I’m fine now. I was just talking to one of my closest friends. She gets me on a level that most don’t and she knows when to take me seriously, when to worry, etc. She’s not worried and you shouldn’t be either. This is not a cry for help, but just a glimpse into my BPD brain. As my friend, Tracy Redangel, once said, “Depression lies.” I know this and I would not act on a suicidal impulse. Trust that I know myself far better than most and I will be discussing my thoughts with my new therapist tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I have too much work to do and too many people counting on me to just up and dip out! I PROMISE.
hair: [monso] Mabel Hair @ C88 head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
[ rD ] – Rayna Cuff & Earrings @ TLC Rainbow Sundae Callie Bracelet @ TLC MY BAGS by Mila Blauvelt My Naughty RED hive // cold brew coffee to go . Apl.Blossom Genesis @ TLC
If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same The world is spinning but only in gray If I break the glass, then I’ll have to fly There’s no one to catch me if I take a dive I’m scared of changing, the days stay the same The world is spinning but only in gray Somebody shine a light I’m frozen by the fear in me Somebody make me feel alive And shatter me So cut me from the line Dizzy, spinning endlessly Somebody make me feel alive And shatter me
hair: Stealthic – Searching @ Access head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian tattoo: Juna: Madeleine tattoo @ The Liaison Collaborative
I couldn’t sleep last night You were chasing the birds ’till the beast caught your eye I couldn’t sleep last night How you look like an angel It’s burnt in my mind I can’t feel anything the morning after you I can’t tell anyone the morning after you And I hope you sleep with a merry gold I hope you win it this time And I pray you don’t fear the animals I’ll save you, I promise this time
hair: TRUTH Calamity head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
“She was perfect, pure maddening sex, and she knew it, and she played on it, dripped it, and allowed you to suffer for it.” ― Charles Bukowski, Factotum
If you want it, we can get right to it Mix some vodka with some OJ Skip the mornin’ and let’s get right to it Put your hands on my body Me and my friends poppin’ No we don’t need no man to be gettin’ on down Know how I like it Like it Don’t need no excuse to be going this ham We’re bumping KC and the Sunshine Band That’s the way I like it Like it Sippin’ so much Goose that you could call it geese Sippin’ so much Goose that you could call it geese Feel like I can fly when you are next to me Feel like I can fly when you are next to me
I was hanging out with my amazing friends, Maria & Jason, when I got my hands on these gorgeous new sphynx cats from Rezz Room. I was squealing with delight, because…well…CATS! Jason started laughing and then predicted that I would be doing a post with a lot of cats. Started calling me the cat lady. So, in order to prove him wrong, I limited myself to only three. See? I have some self control, Jason! *laughs*
I am so very blessed to have these two amazing people in my life. So, I want to make sure they know how much I appreciate them both. ♥
hair: Tableau Vivant // Vale hair @ Kustom9 head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 eyes: AG. Mercury Eyes @ Access body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian
(Yummy) Poppet Ring Collection @ C88 Seniha. Jackie Set @ Access Seniha. Jackie Sweater Seniha. Jackie Top Seniha. Jackie Pants friday – Esme Sneakers @ C88
Soul2Soul. Moritz Bronze Sculpture @ TLC Soul2Soul. Moritz Books @ TLC Soul2Soul. Moritz Coffee Table -Fatpack @ TLC Soul2Soul. Moritz Bronze Wall Art (Bonus) @ TLC
Apple Fall Chamise Occasional Table – Aged Oak Apple Fall Pampas Grass Apple Fall Bohemian Coffee Press (Group Gift) Apple Fall Latte Decor (Group Gift)
I am so impulsive to a fault I want the opposite of what I got The second I get bored, I switch it up Makin’ bad decisions, based on temporary thoughts I know they say there’s greener grass For me it’s never about that The second I get bored, I switch it up Makin’ bad decisions, based on temporary thoughts My favorite hobby, self-sabotage Can’t never seem to make my mind up Change my opinion more than my socks Let me tell you about the time I took my friend out the friend zone ‘Cause I felt so sad, sleepin’ alone Then I put him right back, just like that ‘Cause I missed bein’ by myself
hair: Stealthic – Searching @ Access head: LeLUTKA Nova Head 2.5 body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) Special Edition (1.3) skin: PUMEC – Lillian *NEW*
Orsini Jewelry CAMILLE Set Jewely @ Access (Yummy) Poppet Ring Collection @ C88 Cynful Amour Babydoll @ Equal10
pose: :LW: Bento Poses – Breakfast in Bed, mirror
KraftWork French Wall Panels @ The Liaison Collaborative KraftWork Canopy Linen Bed KraftWork Breakfast in Bed . Rustic KraftWork Montmartre Dining Set . Candle Short
Atelier Burgundy + KraftWork Tate Set . Wide Square Rug
All day starin’ at the ceilin’ makin’ Friends with shadows on my wall All night hearing voices tellin’ me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for somethin’ Hold on, feelin’ like I’m headed for a breakdown And I don’t know why But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell I know, right now you can’t tell But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see A different side of me I’m not crazy, I’m just a little impaired I know, right now you don’t care But soon enough you’re gonna think of me And how I used to be, me I’m talkin’ to myself in public, dodging glances on the train And I know, I know they’ve all been talkin’ about me I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think There must be somethin’ wrong with me Out of all the hours thinkin’, somehow I’ve lost my mind
I’ll take it nice and slow Feeling good on my own without you, yeah Got me speaking in tongues The beautiful, it comes without you, yeah I’m gonna put my body first And love me so hard ’til it hurts I know how to scream out the words Scream the words I love me! Gonna love myself, no, I don’t need anybody else
