As far back as I can remember, I’ve heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” I’m just not sure that holds true with me. I’m not sure if its because I’m an Army brat or if there’s something intrinsically broken within me. If anything, the more fitting phrase for me would be, “Absence makes the heart grow stronger.” The longer someone ignores me or stays away…the harder someone pushes me away…the longer someone makes me wait…the stronger my heart gets and the less I feel the need or desire for that person in my life.
I’m pretty sure this is due to being an Army brat and constantly moving as a child. I mean, I was twelve before we moved into a home that would last us more than two years, and that home only lasted four. The next place lasted less than 3 years. I took moving around and constantly saying goodbye to people as part of life. Where I am now, I’ve lived since 2004 and I will most likely die here. It’s weird to think I won’t move again. It’s weird seeing what happens to my life when I am not constantly filtering through my belongings to reduce the amount of boxes I’ll have to move.
I haven’t been much different with the people in my life. I suppose that aside from my mother, my (ex) husband is the longest relationship I maintained and that was only because we shared a living space. Since he has moved out, we’ve barely texted. We haven’t spoken once. The longer he’s gone, the less I miss him, and the less it hurts. I suppose I trained myself to strengthen the walls around my heart as a child. I knew better than to get attached. Except now I fear its easier to let go, than it is for me to hold on.
[Rezz Room] Bengal Cat Sleep