Posted in Catwa, Cynful, Death Row Designs, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Gingerfish Poses, Glam Affair, Maitreya, Second Life, Self Reflection, shopping

The Devil and Me

When I was a little girl, I used to ask my mom questions about the devil all the time. A bit of foreshadowing in real life, perhaps? To be fair, I think my curiosity was stirred up by foods. My parents had a fondness for deviled ham and it came in this little can that was wrapped in paper. On that paper was the iconic symbol of a devil. Red, pointy tail, hooves…not greatly detailed, just a bit of clip art before that was really a thing. There was also devil’s food cake which was amazing and compared to angel’s food cake…I found the devil to be the better cook. My mom would also make comments to about the cats having the devil in them when they were especially mischievous, energetic, or loud. As an only child, I love the cats the most when they were active, so again, I had this positive connection to the devil. The funny thing is, I remember asking my mom to tell me all about the devil, but for the life of me, I cannot remember anything she would say. I’m guessing she probably changed the subject and tried to steer my attention to Jesus or angels. Those topics just always put me right to sleep. I’m quite sure if my mom was to look back on my early childhood she was say there were a lot of clues about what was to come. *grins*

ga gf cx
Why be a Redangel, when you can be a RedDevil, Tracy?

hair: #2 DOUX – Summer Night Hairstyle RARE
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Mineko – Catwa Applier 007 – 05 @ Arcade
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
body:  Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

[CX] Kishin Bindi @ Panic of the Pumpkin in Okinowa
Cynful Diamond – Choker
Cynful Diamond – Bracelets
[ Conviction ] The Claws V.2 – Matte Ombre
neve intimates – form @ FaMESHed X

GingerFish Poses – Bedeviled @ Pose Fair

12 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Throne Altar
11 – DRD – Bloodcroft Castle – Throne
.BIRCH Pentagram Inverted Torches


Posted in Bueno, Catwa, Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Second Life

Hazardous is Back!

I’m so excited that the Hazardous sim is open again. As soon as I realized it had reopened, I was there and shooting this photo. This sim has been my favorite place in Second Life for years. While it was closed, I was so sad. It’s a great place for me to go and just meditate. I just feel so at peace here and its absolutely gorgeous. If you’ve never been, I urge you to visit. You might even see me there.♥

stealthic tetra

hair: Stealthic – Purity
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Maria Applier [ Catwa ]
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)
tattoo: Tattoo “Maneki Neko”_by GoK

(Yummy) Corrine Ring Set
BUENO-Safety Set @ Collabor88
TETRA – Idyllic Bodysuit @ Collabor88
TETRA – Idyllic Pants @ Collabor88

pose by Ana Poses

location: Hazardous

Posted in Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Maitreya, Second Life

IT Girl

So, this picture is super personal and it marks a huge triumph in my life. I’ve spent over half my life absolutely terrified of clowns. No, I don’t have coulrophobia. I was raped by a man in a clown suit. Ever since that night, clowns have been a huge trigger. Clowns just aren’t something you see every day. So, on the rare occasion that one would pop up, it would send me spiraling into a mental tailspin. The funny thing is that it was Hollywood that helped me face this fear and get to the point where I could do this photo.
First there was Zombieland. The main character kills a zombie clown and for some reason, I was able to pull that character into my nightmares about clowns. Over time, he has appeared in a number of ways, helping me destroy clowns in my dreams. I’m also a huge fan of the American Horror Story franchise and upon learning they would do the season, Freakshow, I knew I was going to need to get over being afraid of clowns in order to watch that season. Thus began my own immersion therapy. I forced myself to look at clowns every day for months. The nightmares were horrible, but I was sick of this monster having so much power over me.
By the time, Freakshow aired, I was ready. I did have a few nightmares, but for the most part I did really well. Then came the remake of IT. *sighs* I knew my husband wanted to see it at the theater and I had only seen the original once (against my will, I might add) many many years ago. Pennywise has always been the most scary of all the clowns to me. However, when I found out who was playing Pennywise, I started to relax. I had been a huge fan of his role in Hemlock Grove. To prepare for this movie, I wached lots of videos of him preparing for the role and behind the scenes footage. When the day came to see the movie at the theater, I was ready. I did have nightmares, but not rapey ones.
Now, I sit here today, fully able to dress myself up as a female clown. Not only was I able to dress up like this, but I was able to spend a lot of time working on the photo. Now I’m looking at it and it is quite possibly my new favorite. I have reclaimed my power.

IT Girl

hair: tram G0718 hair
head: LeLutka Bento Head-KORINA
skin: [Glam Affair] Morgana Applier [ Lelutka ] 002 – 03
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

ANTINATURAL[+] Carnival Freaks / Clown Outfit / M / BEIGE @ Lootbox
Ascendant – Ouija Nails @ Anthem

Apt B // Carnival Chair

Posted in Catwa, Collabor88, Cynful, Events, Fashion, Foxcity, Glam Affair, Prism Events, Salem, Second Life

Women and cats

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein

tv cynful rezz

hair:  Tableau Vivant // Spooked hair @ Salem
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Maria Applier [ Catwa ]
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)

Cynful The Edge Lingerie Set @ Collabor88
Cynful Pixie Dust @ Collabor88

FOXCITY. Bad Kitty VOL2 Bento Pose Set

[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Animesh (Companion) RARE @ Arcade

[FOURTH WALL X ANXIETY] Lugna Sofa – Black

Posted in Bueno, Catwa, Collabor88, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Kustom9, Second Life, The Liaison Collaborative

Love is a beautiful thing

My sexuality isn’t something I talk about or advertise in my profile, because I simply don’t feel the need. I try my best not to put myself in some box under some label that someone else came up with, but for some reason if you don’t claim a “team” its automatically assumed that you’re straight. Honestly, I don’t really care that much what people think, but I suppose if I had to assume a label, I’d say I’m pansexual. Now, this is one of those things that people seems to confuse with bisexual, but the its actually a bit different. It simply means that sexuality is fluid and that I love people. The people I have loved over the years have been a variety of things. I’ve loved mostly men, that’s true, but I’ve loved women, too. In Second Life, I’ve loved women that used male avatars. They didn’t identify as men in real life and had no desire to, but they were more comfortable living as men in Second Life. That’s one of the beauties of Second Life. You can be whatever you want….young, old, male, female…thin, fat, tall, short…etc.
So, why say anything about it now? Well, I recently heard someone make a comment about bisexuals & pansexuals being wishy washy and greedy. I have to disagree. I’m VERY picky and you’ll be hard pressed to find anyone on the grid that would say otherwise. I’m not out there sleeping with everyone. I won’t date just anyone to fill that relationship void. Even in my darkest hours, I didn’t do that. The question I have is why does it matter who I love? Why does it matter who anyone loves? Love is a beautiful thing and should be celebrated in all its forms. If you are lucky enough to find someone that you genuinely love and they love you back, then do you and be happy. ♥

asteroidbox x2

hair: Magika – Prudence
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Maria Applier [ Catwa ]
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)
tattoo: Tattoo “Maneki Neko”_by GoK

(Yummy) Corrine Ring Set
BUENO-Safety Set @ Collabor88
AsteroidBox. Idyia Top @ Equal10
AsteroidBox. Ayla Skirt @ Kustom9

pose: Amitie Lust pack @ The Liaison Collaborative

Posted in Bondi, Catwa, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Second Life, shoes, shopping, Tres Chic

Ghost Stories

Is there anyone that isn’t haunted…by the ones we’ve loved and the ones we’ve lost? By the choices we’ve made…in a sense one could say that our entire lives are made up of one ghost story after another. Turning the page and letting go is one the hardest decisions that most of us will have to face, but we cannot let ourselves get stuck on the same page, reading the same paragraph over and over. We have to comprehend what is really happening and move forward.

Doux Addams

hair: DOUX – Santana @ TresChic
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Maria Applier [ Catwa ]
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)

BONDI . The Diva Choker @ Black Fair
Addams // Piper Button-Front Sweater
Addams // Piper Leather Pants
Addams // Piper Heeled Boots

pose in chair
location: Author’s Point

Posted in Animals, Apple Fall, Dahlia, Events, FaMESHed, Home Decor, Second Life

I Got Chills

Fall has finally arrived where I live. A week ago the temperature was extremely hot, especially for this time of year. I know I keep talking about it, but its really crazy how hot it was. We even set record highs…so if anyone was wondering where global warming was happening, it was HERE! Alas, the rains came and kicked the temp down a few notches. Its going to heat back up, but hopefully not so far this time.  Especially since we had already decorated our front garden area with a variety of pumpkins. I was seriously worried it was about to baked pumpkin out there! As I’m typing this, I actually have chills…and they’re multiplying…and I’m…oops, sorry, I got carried away. Anyway, I’m excited cuz I get to wear my sweaters soon!!!

nutmeg galland rezz db

West Village Pears in Vintage Trug

Dahlia – Highgarden – Lemon Cake

dust bunny . midnight apothecary . cabinet . light wood @ Anthem
dust bunny . midnight apothecary . graveyard terrarium @ Anthem
dust bunny . taste of autumn . bowl of soup @ FaMESHed
dust bunny . taste of autumn . hazelnuts bowl @ FaMESHed
dust bunny . taste of autumn . soup serving board @ FaMESHed

[FOURTH WALL] Wall Planter @ FaMESHed

Fall Porch Decor 4 by Galland Homes @ FaMESHed
Pumpkin Planter (Mortar 2 A) by Galland Homes @ FaMESHed
Fall Porch Decor 2 by Galland Homes @ FaMESHed
Fall Porch Decor 1 by Galland Homes @ FaMESHed
Pumpkin Planter (Mortar 2 B) by Galland Homes @ FaMESHed

Nutmeg. Disarray Iron Wine Rack
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Plate v3
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Bread
Nutmeg. Attic Hideout Vase2
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Cups
Nutmeg. Attic Hideout Vase3
Nutmeg. Orchard Harvest Fallen Fruits
Nutmeg. Grandma’s Cottage Basket w/Flowers
Nutmeg. Attic Hideout Vase1
Nutmeg. Old Story Frames Wood
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Plate v2
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Slipper Chair Adult
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Cup
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Ladder Adult
Nutmeg. Orchard Harvest Blueberries
Nutmeg. Orchard Harvest Grapes
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Plate v1
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Chair w/ Blankets
Nutmeg. Orchard Harvest Ceramic Cups v2
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Chandelier
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Utensil Jar
Nutmeg. Disarray Wooden Candlestick 2
Nutmeg. Disarray Wooden Candlestick
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Cup Pile
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Salt & Pepper
Nutmeg. Orchard Harvest Ceramic Teapot
Nutmeg. Orchard Harvest Ceramic Cups v1
Nutmeg. Disarray Bag w/ Papers Beige
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Peonies
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Apple Basket
Nutmeg. Disarray Wicker Basket Dark v1
Nutmeg. Summer’s End Table w/Cloth 0
Nutmeg. Old Oriental Rug4_Bonus Item

[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Set @ Arcade
-[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Laying
-[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Running
-[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Yawning
-[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Napping
-[Rezz Room] British Shorthair Jumping

Posted in Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Lamb, Maitreya, Second Life, Uber SL, vinyl

I’m dead serious

I’ve been through some incredibly traumatic shit in my life. I’ve been raped by a clown. I’ve been abused sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally by my father. I’ve been abducted. I’ve had guns to my head. I’ve been shot at. I’ve been chased with knives. I’ve been stalked. I’ve been thrown around like a rag doll. I’ve had my house raided by cops. I’ve been to jail. I’ve been homeless. I have survived some bizarre shit. These are not things I’m proud of, but I won’t deny my past either. Despite all that shit I survived, nothing dropped me into a darker hole than my husband leaving me. The last three years have been the darkest days I have ever known. I wanted to die every single day. The only reason I didn’t kill myself was because I couldn’t do that to my mother. She has stood by me through every stupid decision that has put my life on the line…time and time again. She suffered nightmares and not knowing from one day to the next whether she would get a call saying I was dead. She never stopped loving me. Not for one day. Not one time did she turn her back on me. She did what she had to do to protect herself, but she never abandoned me. I could not abandon her, no matter how much I wanted to die. No matter how much I hated myself or the world. No matter how useless and worthless I felt. She did not give up on me.
A few weeks ago, I sort of overdosed. I wasn’t really trying to kill myself, but I wasn’t trying to live either. I wanted the voices in my head to stop. I wanted the darkness to just take me once and for all. I wanted to sleep and not wake up. Most of all, I wanted to stop hurting…for as long as possible. I slept for almost 20hrs. When I woke up, I only told ONE person, Kess Crystal. We cried together for hours and I promised her that I wouldn’t do it again. I promised her that I would tell my therapist and I have done that. That same day, she gave me an early birthday gift. I’m not going to get into what that gift was specifically, but that gift was more than monetary. She gave me hope. She gave me a goal. She gave me a way to improve my life and something to strive towards. Between her and my therapist, I have emerged from the darkness.
For the first time in years, I have HOPE. Something I’ve written about in the past saying how dangerous it is, but the truth is….without hope, without something to look forward to…I have no life. I need that hope and those goals to keep me moving forward. I need to believe that good things will happen and I know that they will. I’ve had some pretty amazing days in my life…it hasn’t all been traumatic.
Since that morning, that Kess and I cried together, some pretty awesome things have happened. She got together with some other amazing people in SL (namely my SL daughter, Chickadee Tremor) and they threw me an epic birthday party inworld. It was fantastic and I had the time of my life. I found out that I was nominated for SEVEN Bloggie Awards including Blogger/Vlogger of the year. Which is freaking huge to me, as I don’t consider myself to be that great of a blogger to begin with. So to be recognized by enough people to put my lil ass on the ballot blew my mind. I honestly don’t expect to win any of them, especially the big one…I mean…the other people that have been nominated in the same categories are beyond superb! I am genuinely happy to have been nominated. However, there are a lot of people out there trying to rain on this tiny little virtual parade and its pissing me off. I’m sorry that every single blogger wasn’t nominated. I didn’t have anything to do with that. I honestly don’t know how I got so many nominations, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to feel guilty or bad for my name being on the ballot.
And to the people raining on the Bloggie Awards? I want to say I’m sorry, but your attitude says it all. If you cannot be happy for those that were nominated and for those that win? I believe you have bigger issues than not getting picked for some virtual award. So, sit down and shut the hell up. Some of us are happy and we all need every bit of happiness we can get. Why are you so petty and nasty that you want to spread your misery all over other people’s joy? Whatever it is, you really need to focus more on your real life than awards in Second Life anyway.

Yeah, I had a lot to get off my chest.

hair:  Lamb. Focus
head: LeLutka Bento Head-KORINA
skin: [Glam Affair] Danielle [ Lelutka ] @ Uber
body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1

/-VALKYR-/ Centipede * Group Gift *
VINYL – Fike Fashion Cage @ Anthem

Posted in Catwa, Cynful, DOUX, Events, Fashion, Glam Affair, Second Life, shopping

In the water

Second Life is full of people, yet can often feel like the loneliest place on earth. Standing in a club full of people or a shopping event that has been hammering to get in, but you are all alone. It can truly feel like a struggle at times. For me, I get the loneliest in the evenings when things have settled down and people are hanging out with their significant others. I have amazing friends that invite to come hang out, but there I am feeling like the fifth wheel. Then there are other times that I listen to my friends talk about their relationships and the boundaries they have established with their partners. That’s when I start thinking I’m better off single. I’ve been single for so long, I’m not sure I can fall in line with the restrictions that often come with a relationship. Then again, I suppose the right person just makes you more open to that.
I know I wrote about dating Derrek in the past, but we just didn’t work out as far as a relationship goes. Nothing bad happened, it just wasn’t us. It changed the dynamic of our friendship too much. So, yes, I really am single again….not that I ever wasn’t really. We dipped our toes in that pool and decided not to get in the water. Now, I’m just not sure if I even want to get in the water. *sighs* So goes life.

cynful flf

hair: DOUX – Boyfriend
head: CATWA HEAD Catya v4.0
skin: [Glam Affair] Maria Applier [ Catwa ]
ears: ^^Swallow ^^ Crusties
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)

[CX] Bento Piercing Labret Ring
[CX] Bento Piercing Snakebites
[Cynful] Turtleneck Dress – FlF Special October 19

pose by Ana Poses
location is a private property of a friend

Posted in Events, Exploration, FaMESHed, Fashion, Gingerfish Poses, Glam Affair, Mina Hair, Prism Events, Salem, Second Life, shopping, The Liaison Collaborative, Uber SL

Day of the Dead

“The core belief of the [Day of the Dead] is so poetic and simple: as long as we remember those who have passed away, as long as we tell their stories, sing their songs, tell their jokes, cook their favorite meals, THEN they are with us, around us, and in our hearts. The moment we forget them, […] then they are truly gone.
(The Art of the Book of Life, Introduction)”
― Jorge R. Gutierrez

Mina GA gingerfish

hair: MINA – Martha @ Salem
head: LeLutka Bento Head-KORINA
skin: [Glam Affair] – Lelutka Makeup – Halloween @ BLACK FAIR
body: [LEGACY] Meshbody (f) (1.1)

FAKEICON / mary gems collar @ FaMESHed
Ascendant – Ouija Nails @ Anthem
DIRTY PRINCESS– Darkness Beauty Princess Dress @ Uber

pose: GingerFish Poses – Your Ghost @ TLC
location:  SLs Top Haunted Places Tour & Hunt