None of us are perfect and most of us live with our share of regrets. I usually say that I have no regrets, because I am where I am because of everything that’s happened to me to get me here. However, that’s not really true. Regardless of where the path had led, if there were things I could go back and change, I would. I would undo the pain I’ve caused others. I would have treated myself better over the years and demanded better from others.
It took me a long time to get to a place where I felt I had a reason to live. You see for the longest time, I wanted to die almost every day. I have my reasons for wanting the sweet comfort of the final act, but I also have my reasons for staying alive. There are days that I struggle with both sides of that coin, but someone always finds a way to remind me why its so good that I am still here.
The first thing I had to do was forgive myself. I think that is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s really easy for me to forgive others. I’m really good at letting go (though I wasn’t always). The thing is we can’t really move through our lives without hurting people from time to time. We don’t always mean to hurt others and we rarely set out to hurt ourselves, but when we carry around toxic thoughts and feelings, that’s exactly what we do. We hurt ourselves.
There’s a song that most of you all know, “The Reason” by Hoobastank. This song came out when I was making some major life changes and it became somewhat of an anthem for me. Its a song that I sing to myself and yes, sometimes I actually sing it to myself in the mirror, because there’s no greater reason to change than to change for yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to fix you….be the reason you change and those changes will be yours that no one can take from you. Forgive yourself and be the reason to treat yourself better than anyone else ever could. You’ll be surprised how many people follow suit and started treating you better, too.
PM & Vibes – Neon Studio Apartment